(A car. EVA is driving and MARK is in the passenger seat. They both look out of breath.)
EVA: Are you okay?
MARK: I'm fine.
EVA: You look all right.
MARK: They gave me a few knocks, but that's it. I don't think they expected you to come flying through the ceiling like that.
EVA: Never keep someone you've kidnapped in a building with a glass ceiling. What a bunch of amateurs.
MARK: Took you a little longer this time, huh?
EVA: What?
MARK: I was there all night.
EVA: You weren't there all night. It's only four am.
MARK: Right. That's...an entire night.
EVA: It's not like the sun's up.
MARK: If it weren't for Daylight Savings Time, it would be.
EVA: I was deactivating a bomb at City Hall. I knew you'd be fine. It's not like this is the first time you've been abducted.
MARK: I know, it's getting a little annoying.
EVA: I told you, we need to move out of the city.
MARK: You think the terrorists won't find me in the country?
EVA: We can build one of those farmhouses that's actually a fortress. It'll be fun. You love little projects like that.
MARK: Can I put on some music? I just don't feel like talking. I had to keep a conversation going with the Lead Thug to humanize myself to him so he wouldn't hit me as hard.
EVA: Yeah, I had Taylor on, but you can change it if you want.
(A beat.)
MARK: What do you mean, you had Taylor on?
EVA: Taylor Swift.
MARK: No, I know Taylor Swift, what I mean is, what do you mean you had it on?
EVA: I had it on when I was coming to get you.
MARK: You mean, coming to rescue me?
EVA: Yeah.
MARK: You were listening to Taylor Swift while you were on the way to rescue your husband, who could have been dead when you got there?
EVA: I knew you wouldn't be dead. Then they wouldn't have any leverage.
MARK: Why would you be listening to Taylor Swift?
EVA: Who else would I listen to?
MARK: Nobody! You're coming to rescue your husband.
EVA: I know! I needed music to get me energized.
MARK: The threat of becoming a widow wasn't energizing enough?
EVA: Well, and, you know, it's so nice out--
MARK: Eva!
EVA: I put the windows down. I had to drive by the beach to get to you--
MARK: You were coming to save your husband from imminent death!
EVA: And I needed to get in the zone.
MARK: Which song were you listening to?
EVA: Uh...I don't remember.
MARK: Please tell me it was something somber?
EVA: Kind of?
MARK: Which--
EVA: Shake It Off.
MARK: You were listening to Shake It Off as I was getting roughed up by henchmen?
EVA: Well, I had no control over that.
MARK: You were on a leisurely drive near the shore as I was getting pummeled!
EVA: Please, you have two bruises.
MARK: And a scrape!
EVA: You got that from falling in the shower.
MARK: Well, this exacerbated the injury.
EVA: It's just music. Why would I silently drive to save you? That sounds crazy.
MARK: Crazier than singing along to Shake It Off on your way?
EVA: You can't help but sing along once it's on. It's very catchy.
MARK: That is--
EVA: Do you mean to tell me, if I put Shake It Off on right now, you won't sing along?
MARK: It should never have been on in the first place.
EVA: Not playing music wouldn't have gotten me to you any faster.
MARK: Wait--Why were you by the beach? You don't have to drive by the beach to get to the bad part of town. That's the long way.
EVA: Uh--
MARK: Did you purposefully take the long way?
EVA: Okay, so what happened was--
MARK: Oh my god!
EVA: --I only had three songs left on my playlist--
MARK: Are you kidding?
EVA: --And I wanted to finish it before I came to get you.
MARK: Came to get me? You were yanking me from the jaws of death!
EVA: Please, Mark, it was two goons and a semi-super villain. I probably could have walked right in the front door and had a snack first.
MARK: You were not taking this seriously enough.
EVA: I took the first five times very seriously, but at this point, it's just rote.
MARK: It's not rote for me!
EVA: Then take a few self-defense classes. I told you it would do wonders for your self-esteem.
MARK: Will it help prevent me from getting kidnapped?
EVA: No, you're very weak, and you have the tiniest arms--
MARK: YOU WERE TAKING YOUR TIME!
EVA: I was decompressing. You have no idea how stressful this all was.
MARK: I think I have some idea.
EVA: I'm sorry. I promise, next time, I will take you being kidnapped with the utmost gravity.
MARK: Thank you.
(A beat.)
So you think there's going to be a--
EVA: Oh, definitely. Probably this weekend. Hopefully not Saturday, because I have plans.
MARK: I'll do my best.
EVA: I know you will, babe. You always do.
(She smiles at him.)
MARK: You want to put on some music, don't you?
EVA: Yes, please.
End of Play
No comments:
Post a Comment