What the Clown College Tuition Covers

Well, the pies

That’s the first

And probably

Most obvious thing

The tuition covers

The pies

The shoes you can get

At a discount

From the campus store

One size fits all

In that, you know,

They don’t really

Fit anybody

There’s one mini-shuttle

On campus

That can fit about

Fifty to sixty of you

There’s a pool

Filled with banana cream

And you can use that

Whenever you want

Now as far as what

You need to wear to class

You can purchase all that

But your tuition doesn’t cover it

The nose

The make-up

And the little squirting flower

All that you need

To bring with you

We also recommend

You bring a little dog

When you move into the dorms

But if you’re allergic to dogs

They sell hypoallergenic ones

At a special price

At a shop off-campus

But if you want to take

Advanced Shenanigans

You will need a little dog

One student tried to use

A ferret

And needless to say

That did not work out
For anybody

You’re welcome to use

The tricycle park

Whenever you like

But it is very popular

So you have to sign up

For a slot

And they do go pretty quickly

You also have to have insurance

Because students often

Get injured on the tricycles

Despite the fact

That they’ve very tiny

You also have to bring

Your own tricycle

Your tuition doesn’t cover that

But we do recommend

That you have a tricycle

With a little horn on it

And it needs to be

A really loud horn

Now, you also need a horn

That you can carry on your person

And we prefer it not be

The same horn

As the one on your tricycle

Because the ones for tricycles

Produce a different kind of sound

Than the on-your-person horns

And it does make a difference

When you’re honking them

At someone

Your tuition does not cover

Room and board

Although you’re welcome

To sneak a little banana cream

Out of the pool

And take it back

To your dorms with you

Although we do caution you

That clowns have definitely

Fallen ill from doing that

We do not recommend

That you try eating banana peels

And that might seem obvious

But you’d be surprised

All the stupid things

A clown will do

Or maybe you wouldn’t be surprised

But you probably look surprised

Because that’s kind of

The default look

Oh! That reminds me--

You all need to buy the book

‘What Does My Face Tell You?’

By Jeepers P. Creepers

And we need you to get

The 15th Edition

With the supplemental material

Which retails at around three hundred dollars

And can be resold at the end of the semester

For fifty-seven cents

We’re so excited

To have you all on campus

And we hope you understand

That while the tuition here

Can be costly

You have to keep in mind

That a good education

Is priceless