Gravity Jam

Listen, it turns out

We have to cancel the game

I know, it’s disappointing

I was really looking forward

To playing alongside you all

Especially you Daffy

You seem like you really bring it

Once you’re on the court

The problem is

Uh, I guess some of us

Probably didn’t consider

The fact that

In space there isn’t gravity

And, uh, well

It’s sort of difficult

To play basketball

Without gravity

I’m not sure how they did it

In the first movie

But whatever was going on there

Is not going on here

Because I just tried to dribble

And the ball floated away from me

And every time I try to go get it

I end up floating into the stands

Everybody’s floating

The fans

The commentators

The skunk

(I know, we can’t talk about the skunk

He’s creepy, I get it

I’d also like to say that all French men are creepy

Human and animal

French dogs are the creepiest dogs

You’ve ever met

But that’s okay, I get it

We won’t relitigate that)

It looks like

We’re going to have

To play another game

I’ve been racking my brain

For what kind of competition

Works without gravity

Anything where you pass something

From one person to another

Doesn’t seem like

It would work

I thought about running?

Like a track meet?

But with floating?

But you can’t float very fast

So now I’m thinking--

What if we played

The cartoon aliens

...In a board game?

Bugs, think about it--

You and a big cartoon alien

Playing an intense game

Of Scrabble

I can coach you

I’m amazing at Scrabble

If I wasn’t a legendary basketball player

I’m telling you

I would have played Scrabble for a living

I once had, like,

Five consonants

And one ‘U’

And I turned it

Into a triple word score

I’m telling you

We got this

Will it be exciting to watch?

Not at all

Not even a little bit

And it’s possible

The tiles are going to float off the board

Because I forgot to get the kind

Where you lock the letters in

So we’re really going to have to

Keep an eye on the board

Or maybe have Porky

Be in charge of making sure

The letters don’t drift off

But if we can get that under control

I really think this could work

Unless you all want to take this

Down to earth

In which case

We can go back to playing basketball

But then it wouldn’t be Space Jam

It would be Earth Jam

Which sounds like some kind of

Environmental event

Like, to save the coral reefs or something

Which I’m still totally down with
I love the coral reefs and, like,

The octopi

Or what have you

But basically I’m going to let you all decide

What you want to do

Except I really hope you pick Scrabble

Because I just learned this new word

The other day

And as long as I get handed three ‘L’s

I could really crush it

So, you know, just put that one

In heavy consideration

I’m going to go eat

Some of that astronaut ice cream

It’s not that good

But, you know,

When you’re up here

You gotta take

What you can get