(A field.)
SAM: You really think the farmer's wife just died?
JOE: She was sick.
SAM: That woman was healthy as a horse.
JOE: Actually Mick hasn't been feeling too hot lately.
SAM: I'm speaking figuratively.
JOE: If she didn't die, what happened to her?
SAM: The Man with the Cans took her.
JOE: The one who comes and picks up the milk?
SAM: He's not really here to pick up milk. That's all a ruse.
JOE: I've definitely seen him pick up milk.
SAM: Joe, you know what I'm going to say.
JOE: I'm not being a sheep, Sam.
SAM: You are, Joe. You are being--
JOE: I've seen the man take the milk. I saw it with my own eyes.
SAM: That's only what you think you saw. These people are masters at making you think you've seen things that you actually haven't seen.
JOE: Why would the Man with the Cans kidnap the farmer's wife?
SAM: Did you see that new cat the farmer's son got?
JOE: Yeah.
SAM: That's the wife.
JOE: You think the farmer's wife is the cat?
SAM: They transformed her into a cat.
JOE: Who did?
SAM: The Society of Men with Cans.
JOE: Why would they do that?
SAM: Because cats love milk.
JOE: But why turn wives into cats?
SAM: What do you mean?
JOE: Why not, like, cousins or--
SAM: Joe, farmer's wives are known to be some of the most docile people on earth. They're exactly the kind of people you would want to kidnap and transform into felines!
JOE: Wouldn't the farmer try to stop them?
SAM: The farmer is in on it!
JOE: He is?
SAM: They ALL are!
JOE: Are we in on it?
SAM: No!
JOE: Hmmm...I don't know if I believe you.
SAM: NOW, YOU'RE TALKING, JOE!
JOE: Talking about what?
SAM: About who to trust.
JOE: Who should I trust?
SAM: No one! That's the point.
JOE: Can I trust you?
SAM: Yes.
JOE: Are you sure?
SAM: Yes.
JOE: Do you trust me?
SAM: Not at all.
JOE: Sam!
SAM: Joe, just a second ago, you were playing dumb, and now you're suddenly talking like a real thinking sheep.
JOE: Would you trust me if I told you I believed your Man with the Cans theory?
SAM: But someone who's allied with the Man with the Can would WANT me to think they believed there was something going on there.
JOE: What are they going to do when they run out of farmer's wives?
SAM: That's when you really need to worry. Because then they'll turn on the farmers, and then the farmer's kids, and then the horses, and then the dogs, and then the cats.
JOE: The cats?
SAM: Yes.
JOE: But they're turning people into cats.
SAM: Right, so then they're going to need to turn the cats that were already cats into...other kinds of cats.
JOE: Why does the Man with the Can want a world full of cats just because cats like milk? People like milk too. I remember seeing the farmer's wife pouring milk on top of those oats you pour out of a box every morning. It didn't look appealing to me, but she seemed to enjoy it.
SAM: It's because the Man with the Can isn't really a Man with a Can.
JOE: Then what is he?
SAM: He's five cats wearing a Man with a Can uniform.
JOE: San.
SAM: Yeah?
JOE: That's the first reasonable thing you've said all day.
SAM: You believe me?
JOE: Oh yeah. Cats sitting on each other's little shoulders, wearing a white shirt and pants, and carrying around milk while they change people into fellow cats? It's all lining up now.
SAM: Welcome to the Resistance, Joe.
JOE: Wow. It's all adding up.
SAM: Just wait until I tell you about what's going on with the aliens in the hen house.
JOE: You mean the chickens?
SAM: Chickens? Ha. That's what they want you to think.
End of Play
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