This one guy
In this one video, he--
He goes like this
With his fist
And the guy goes ‘Arrgghh!’
And he falls down
And he’s probably dead
So if you hit him that hard
Then he dies
But I bet your, I bet your hand
Probably hurts bad
After you hit him, because, you know
Sometimes, like, if you hit somebody
Like, or if you hit something
Not like a blanket, but like, something hard
Then your hand hurts?
Like, a head is hard
And so if you hit it
You hurt the person
But I bet your hand hurts too?
So, like, I would use a sword
If I had to fight someone
Because then you don’t
Get your hand hurt
And there’s a video
Of this guy using a sword
And he’s fighting this guy
Made out of watermelons
And he goes ‘Thwap thwap thwap’
And the watermelons all go ‘Blap Blap Blap
And they all fall apart
I asked my mom for a sword
And she got me a sword
But I can’t use it in the house
But when my mom’s not home
I get the watermelon
Out of the fridge
And I go ‘Thwap thwap thwap’
But I have to go easy
Because if I cut it right in half
My mom will be mad
Because she likes to save the watermelon
Until we have my cousins over
But I have nothing to practice my sword on
And my mom says I need to learn
To make pretend with the sword
But in the videos
They have watermelons
And in one video
They have a coconut
But my mom won’t buy me a coconut
Even though I got a good grade
On the test my teacher gave me
And she says I’m good in class
But she thinks I talk too much
About fighting
Even though I don’t fight
I tried telling, um, my teacher
That I have to learn how to fight
Because if a ninja comes into the classroom
And tries to ninja us
Then somebody needs to know
How to protect the class
Because I don’t want the ninja
To steal the turtle we have
That I get to feed on Thursday’s
I can’t bring my sword to school
But that’s okay
Because there’s a video
Where it teaches you
How to fight a ninja
And what you do is
You pretend you don’t know
How to fight the ninja
But then you do know
And they’re surprised
So then you can go ‘Twah Twah Twah’
And then they fall down
And the police come get them
And they thank you
For learning how to fight
Even though your teacher
Didn’t think you needed to
Then I’ll get a medal
And my mom will say ‘Sorry’
For not letting me
Cut up the watermelon in the fridge
Because my cousins don’t deserve it anyway
Because when they come over
They knock down all my collectibles
And nobody is supposed to touch them
Because my grandpa gave them to me
And they’re going to be worth money one day
As long as I don’t play with them
There’s one video
Where you can fight someone on a boat
But I don’t have a boat
So when I’m in the bath
I pretend there’s a boat in there
And I go ‘Fwat fwat fwat’
And then one time I fell
And I was okay
But my mom came in scared
Because she thought I was going to drown
And she told me no more fighting
But I know she didn’t mean it
Because if the ninja comes to my house
And tries to steal my collectibles
She needs me to know how to fight
And one time my mom told me
That she can fight for her and me
And my mom has long fingernails
So maybe she can fight
But I can be her sidekick
And we can take down ninjas together
But I get all the scariest ninjas
Because I do all the training
But my Mom can takes the ninjas
That look like watermelons
And then once all the ninjas are gone
I can take the turtle home from school
And he can be just my turtle
Because I’m the only one
Who knows how to protect him
Do you want to see this video
Where two giraffes are fighting?
A ninja could never beat
A giraffe in a fight
No way could they beat a giraffe
Nope
Nope, nope, nope
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