A Fight Isn't About Who's Stronger

A fight isn’t about

Who’s stronger

Once the fight starts

Strength isn’t going to matter

Because your adrenaline will kick in

And once that happens

Strength equals out

And you’re both hitting twice as hard

So you might think

It becomes about

Who’s a better fighter

Who knows how to land the hits

And dodge

And who treats the whole thing

With a kind of strategy

But that wouldn’t be right either

A fight is about

Who can absorb

The most pain

And not be bothered by it

The first time someone lands

A really good punch against you

That’s the moment

I used to tell my students

When they studied with me

That if they thought they could

They should let the other person

In the fight

Get in a punch early on

In the beginning

The point was to show the other person

That you can take a punch

And keep going

Because that’ll throw them off

Most people think

Get a good punch in

And you’ve got an advantage

But if you get the feeling

The person you’re fighting

Wanted you to have that punch

Suddenly you’re thrown off

And you’re going to stay thrown off

Blow after blow

There are people

Who can take hundreds of them

One student I had

You could land a knockout on him

And he’d shake it off

And come back for three more

He could take a lot of pain

And none of it mattered

Unless the person he was fighting

Understood that there was no amount of pain

They could inflict on this guy

That was going to make him tap out

So he’d run into those punches

Run right into them

You’ve never seen anything like it

After he did that once or twice

The other guy would give up

Maybe not the fight itself

But his spirit for it was gone

Because he knew he was toast

When you’re fighting somebody like that

Somebody whose relationship to pain

Is one without fear

You may as well just walk away

Tell ‘em to ring the bell

It’s over

Sometimes when my wife and I would fight

I would tell her

To say the nastiest, cruelest things to me

She could think of

I’d tell her to lay it all out

Because I wanted her to see

That no matter what she said to me

I was going to come back

I was going to get up

Keep getting up

And coming back for more of it

That’s why she gave up

On fighting with me

‘You’re no fun’ she used to tell me

‘You’re no fun to fight with’

She left me for a guy

Who was fun to fight with

He didn’t like pain

So when you called him a coward

It hit him hard

And then you could really

Feel good about yourself

Because when you don’t have it in you

To make your mark on the world

You try to make an impact instead

And the impact you make is pain

I would come to the school

After sitting up all night

Waiting to see if my wife

Was going to come home

And I would sit the students down

And teach them how to take pain

And welcome it in

I taught them to change

Their relationship to it

Once they got the hang of it

Nobody could touch them

That was the exciting part

And the boring part

Because it’s when

Everything changes

But then

Nothing ever changes

After that