A Layover in Atlantis

I have to make it to the next terminal

In fifteen minutes

And that means running through the airport

While trying not to get soaked

They do not do the right upkeep

On this place

And there’s always water seeping in

One would think an airport in Atlantis

Would be a little more vigilant

When it comes to keeping the outside in

But no, there’s a foot of water on the ground

No matter when you go

And some poor janitor with a mop

Trying desperately to get the situation under control

The first time I was there

I had a two-hour delay

And all the platforms at the bar

Were filled up

Because nobody wants to stand

In a foot of ocean water

And then get on a plane

Because then they make you

Wear those ridiculous booties

As if it’s your fault

That the Atlantis airport is a flood zone

I remember looking for another bar

With available raised seating

Only to have a shark swim by me

Well I started to scream

And security came over

And when I pointed out the shark

The security guard told me

That there was no reason to panic

Because the shark isn’t big enough

To do any damage

But he did admit to me

That a bigger shark had been sighted

Near the sunglass hut

And so I should probably avoid

That part of the airport

If I don’t like sharks

Up to that point

It had never occurred to me

That there are people

Who like sharks enough

To enjoy walking among them

At an airport

I didn’t go anywhere near

The sunglass hut

And when I got on my next flight

I made a promise to myself

That I would never schedule

A layover in Atlantis again

That was back when I didn’t travel

Nearly as much as I do now

And when things picked up at my job

I quickly realized that leaving Atlantis

Off your itinerary is not nearly as easy

As it sounds

A few months later

I was back in Atlantis

When they had the jellyfish infestation

And we were all required

To sit in rickety rowboats

While we waited for our flights

And somehow the jellyfish

Kept setting off the alarms

At the security checkpoints

So it was noisy and terrifying

Because the boats were not well-made

And my co-worker tried to tie his shoe

And out of the boat he went

And the other travelers in the boat

Pretended they didn’t see it

Because nobody wanted to jump in

And save him at the risk

Of being consumed by jellyfish

So I had to jump in

And even though I got him out in time

My suit was ruined

Absolutely ruined

I tried sending the bill

To the Atlantis airport

And the customer relations person

Wrote me an email

Letting me know that the Atlantis airport

Is not responsible for anything wrong

With the Atlantis airport

And I thought--

Wouldn’t it be wonderful

If people could do that?

Hi, I just think you should know

That I am in no way responsible

For anything wrong with myself

Thank you

Fifteen minutes

To get to the next terminal

And guess where the next terminal is?

Right next to the sunglass hut

I guess it’s safe to assume

That they’ve caught that shark since then

But it’s also safe to assume

That the shark has invited his family

To come hang out with him

Because the tourists near the sunglass hut

Are, by far, the dumbest human beings on earth

In that case, I’m rooting for the sharks

One less tourist in the--

Wait...

Did I remember to bring

My sunglasses?

Oh dammit