Ray of Light

I used to have to put

On a disguise

When I went out

Now, nobody notices

Or they don’t care

I hope they don’t notice

Because if they don’t care

Then that isn’t just about me

And my, uh, fading relevancy

It’s more about

The nature of what impresses people

And these days

It seems--

It seems like not much, doesn’t it?

I decided to walk my dog

Last week

Even though I have people

Who do that for me

And when I took it for a walk

I walked by at least

Eight or nine people

And I made eye contact

Not at first

Because I didn’t used

To have to make eye contact

They would look at me

And they would immediately

Just go quite--

Just sort of lose their minds, you know?

But that didn’t happen

After the first one or two people

So then I started making eye contact

And I noticed that people would see me

And they would know--

I would see the recognition

But then, you know

Nothing would happen

And it hit me

That they knew who I was

And they didn’t care

I made it down the block

And around

And around

And I kept going around

Because I was waiting

For somebody to stop me

And nobody did

And then my dog was getting tired

So I just...I just went home

But by then, my mind was racing

And I got in the car

And I started going places

Just anywhere, just--

The market, a couple of stores

The movie theater

I didn’t even see a movie

I just stood in the lobby

Eating licorice

Waiting for someone to say--

Oh my god, it’s you!

But nothing

By then, it was getting very late

And I decided to go dancing

And when I got to the club

There was a line, and I didn’t--

I was about to say

I didn’t try to cut the line

But I did

But the bouncer didn’t immediately recognize me

And I wasn’t about to debase myself

By telling him who I was

So I went to the back of the line

And once I was inside

They were playing a song

That I’d never heard of before

And I didn’t like the song

Or, rather

I didn’t know the song

So I went to the DJ

And I introduced myself

Because at that point, why not?

I asked if he would play

One of my songs

And he was such a sweet

Little gay boy

Very nice

And he played my song

And I went out on the dance floor

And everyone was loving it

Just loving the song

And there I was dancing

Amongst all these people

Who knew my song

And were loving my song

And had no idea

That I was standing there

In the middle of them

And I tried to enjoy that

As much as I could

I knew later on

It would be one of those

Reckoning moments

In the shower

Where you try to hold yourself together

As best you can

But in that moment

On the dance floor

I felt like myself again

And I hadn’t been able

To recognize that feeling

For a very long time