Nine Photos

I. The Park

This is where we used to walk
When it was summer
When I was a student
We'd discuss our classes
And eat wraps from the place nearby
It was a block from our apartment
And after our walks
We'd go home
Those were our days

II. Above It All

He sits above the ocean
With wet jeans and no shirt
And I snap a photo of him
Wondering when the last time
We made love was
He seems not to be afraid
Of the heights
Of the fact that we're both out of work
Of how far there is to fall

III. Red Lipstick

I'm confused
I don't entirely believe it
I'm running late
Really late
My heels are new
My dress is old
But still pretty damn hot
I don't know my husband at all
And we're having a baby

IV. Camping

Look up
Take in the blue sky
Don't pay attention to Maxie
Crying because she's fallen
She's always falling
She needs to learn to fall
Pick herself up
Keep going
Nature will teach her that

V. The Girls

Three girls
A son would have been nice
But three girls is fine
It's just fine
As long as one of them admires you
As long as they all don't resent you
As long as you're a good mother
A terrific single mother
The best of all time

VI. The Adult

Is she the adult?
Or am I?
It's hard to tell
When she's wearing that
Smiling like a sphinx
Making me uncomfortable
Making the waiter drop his tray
Another dinner ruined
Happy Mother's Day

VII. Playing the Piano

He's too young for me
He looks like Michael
He plays very well
He's smoking
He's a smoker
He's looking over at me
He could be my nephew
He could be a lot of things
He's so young

VIII. The Shoes on the Beach

His arm is around me
Our shoes are behind us
I've never seen a sunset
While sitting on a beach
Next to a man who loves me
More than I love him
There's sand on my fingertips
He leans over and kisses my neck
I want to go in the water so badly

IX. The Writer

The keys are there
But I can't use them
I have nothing to say
The girls haven't called
Michael has been gone for a week
I can't make myself cry
Danny will be home soon
And I wanted to have written something
Something about myself

Be the Party You Want to Go To

I have a theory

I have a theory
About parties

Tap someone on the shoulder
At a party
And ask them
Where they want to be

I have a theory
That most of the time
They will answer you
With the following--

At home
At another party
At a resort in the Bahamas
At a pizza parlor in New York
At Tim's house

At my nephew's christening
At my sister's wedding
At my friend's funeral
At anyone's funeral

At a hoedown
At a rodeo
At a barn raising

At a shopping mall
At a boutique
At a salon

The dentist's office
The deli
The dessert

Anywhere
Anywhere at all
But not here

I have a theory
I have a theory about parties
And the people who go to parties
And how to enjoy parties more
And here it is

Here's my theory

Be the party you want to go to

If you want to have fun
Be fun, doesn't that sound simple?
And yet, complicated
Because so often
Those around you
Who think they want to have fun
Are doing everything they can
To prevent fun from occurring

Here's my suggestion

Burst out into song
But not just any song
This isn't merely a hint
That life should be a musical
Because that's been suggested before
And let's face it
Singing out loud
For no reason at all
Can get you thrown out and banned
From most civilized places

Unless you pick the right song...

I suggest
REO Speedwagon's
'Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore'

It's sing-able
Especially in a sing-a-long
And though people might try to exile you
From the room
From the hall
From the backyard
Where the party is taking place

Soon they'll find themselves
Singing right along with you
Not being able to help themselves

'And if I had to crawl up on the floor'
'Come crashing through the door'
'Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore'

Or maybe it's 'crawl up on the door'
Or 'come crashing like a whore'
Or 'crawl up on a whore'

Who knows?
That's what makes it fun

I suggest starting a food fight
With soft food, so nobody gets hurt
A nice soft food fight

Throw sherbet
Sherbet is useless anyway
Somebody should throw it
That should be
What it's for

Throw cottage cheese
It'll be disgusting afterwards
But in the moment
It'll feel fantastic

Throw bacon bits
They're a bit hard
For a soft food fight
But who doesn't love bacon?

I suggest bringing an unusual animal
With you to the party

It doesn't have to be an exotic animal
You might be tempted to take a koala
But koalas can be mean-spirited
And they might eat the bacon bits
So then you can't have a food fight

Take a funny looking dog named Herbert
Or just a regular dog named Herbert
The name will sell the rest

Take a guinea pig
Take a hairless cat
Take a parakeet in a tiny cage
Then set it free

I suggest showing up in a costume
Not if it IS a costume party
But especially if it's NOT a costume party
Because most people want to go to costume parties
But not enough people throw them

Be the party you want to go to
Go to the party
In a costume

Then everyone will scramble
To make their own makeshift costume
Out of whatever happens
To be around

Someone will pick up a chair
And go as a ski-lift
Someone will pick up a child
And go as a high chair
Someone will walk around with a pie
Saying 'Hey Y'all'
And nobody will know
Who they're supposed to be

AND THAT'S THE FUN OF IT!

I suggest having fun
Remember when we all
Used to have fun?

Wasn't it nicer then?
When we were
Where we wanted to be
Because we made wherever we were
Be where we wanted to be?

Remember?

I say be the party you want to go to
I say love the one you're with
I say eat the bacon bits
Off your wife's face

You'll be amazed how easy it is to do
Once you try it

Take Me to Paris

Take me to Paris
Pink light bulbs
In a little apartment
Above a bakery
Where we can wrap ourselves
In the scent
Of the newly made baguettes

Take me to Paris
Where we can dance
Wearing our wedding attire
On the worn-out floors
While whores downstairs
Put on airs to look better
For better quality gentlemen
That might be interested
In sampling what they have
To offer

Take me to Paris
Where I can wear ugly shoes
As I walk down the street
Meeting friends for lunch
At restaurants where we gossip
About people who aren't living in Paris
People without our flare for living
Dare to say their names loudly
Knowing they're not nearby
Wondering why

We ever befriended them
In the first place

Take me to Paris
Where my troubles will melt
But not like lemon drops
Like hot wax on a bare chest
Nestled in on a cozy day
Getting a good lay on a Sunday
And not having to pay
Like the better quality gentlemen

Take me to Paris
Where I won't have a care
Take me all the way
And then leave me there

When You Can Call Me

-- I found this in my Livejournal. It's from a few years back, but I like it. So here it is. --

"When You Can Call Me"

You can call me
When you learn
When you learn how to dial a phone
When you learn how to leave a message
Where you introduce yourself
Rather than assume
I know
Who you are

When you learn to speak properly
When you learn grammar
When you learn diction
When you learn not to refer to me
As 'kid'
As 'bro'
As 'you'

'Hey you'

You can call
When you learn my name

You can call me when you stop
Stop thinking of your psychological problems
As preferences

Liking men old enough to be your father
Is not a 'preference' it's a problem
Liking boys who were born post-millennium
Is not a 'preference' it's a problem

Being a gold-digger
Being a stereotype
Being ignorant

They're not personality traits
They're problems

I don't need you to fix your problems
I just need you to call them problems
Call them before you call me

Okay?

You can call me when you've finished a book
Any book, whatever it is, then call me
You can call me when you have something to say
Rather than just 'Okay, well...what's up?'

I'm up for a conversation
I'm up for stimulation
I'm up for anything
Other than a long line
Of sexual innuendos
Crescendoing into silence
Or an invitation to hook up

So when you're ready
Give me a call
But by then
You may be going
To voicemail

When We Flee the Burning City

-- I always say that living in Rhode Island is a bit like living in a burning city. Everybody seems to be in a hurry to get out. --

"When We Flee the Burning City"

Don't bother learning her name
Don't bother adapting to the apartment
On the south side
Near the factory
Outside the city limits

No point learning
To learn anything at all
Or adapting to the fall
When we flee the burning city

Don't bother listing the things you enjoy
Toying with the idea of staying
Laying low for another season
Hiding in plain sight
Right behind the monuments
Cement statues seem to move
Faster than you do

Isn't that funny?

Don't run too fast
We have to last long enough
To stuff ourselves into evening gowns
For trips to town cause us to slip
Into bad habits and old lovers
Covering ourselves
In old memories

When we flee the burning city

Watch us jump into empty pools
Cooling off as the sun heats up
Cupping fresh faces into new places
In their consciousness
Confessing to things
Can make us feel young
But before we're done
You may be burned
And all we've learned to do

Is flee

We scream out our names
On tops of parking lots
On jots out on a weeknight
Fighting to stay awake
At the all night diner
Past 'Wait' and 'Still Waiting'
Dating temporarily
Warily assuming
That we're merely grooming
Ourselves for heartbreak

And the tops of buildings
We used to live in
Helps us give into the night
And drive home lighting cigarettes
Out our windows
Being better people
Who don't sleep in so much

We may be out of touch
But we still know how to flee
Three sheets to the wind
And still rescinding promises
We made to ourselves
When we were post-grads
Fads and people seemingly
One and the same
Game parties at the houses
Of people we don't know
Rowing out to the middle of lakes
To see how much swimming we can take
Before we break down and drown
Right outside of town

When we flee the burning city

And on top of the mountain
Stands a man and a woman
Who swore they'd be gone
Long before now
Somehow their plans
Ran out a few miles back
And they lack the maps
Falling for the traps, every one
Done with their lives
And thriving on complacency

Could they be you and me
When we flee the burning city

My Four Lines

I let you cut the first line
I let you cut it
Because you said
It was unnecessary
It was frivolous
It didn't rub you the right way

So you cut it
You cut one
Of four lines
That I have
And I was okay with that

I had made peace with that

Because I was so happy to be working with you
Because I was so thrilled that I got to work
At the premiere theater in South Dakota
That I got to sit at the altar
Of Margaret McStenson
The woman who directed the first regional production
Of Paint Your Wagon

But then you cut the second line
The second of four lines
After having already cut one
Meaning my lines
Were then SPLIT in half

I let you cut that second line
Because I wanted you to be proud of me
I wanted you to say--

Wow, look at that Cara!

Look at her not care
When I shred her part to bits
Thereby making her a glorified set piece
That talks...occasionally

That girl has guts!

But you didn't say that
Instead, what you said was--

'Cut the next line too'

As if you were on a roll
And you saw no reason to stop
At the line massacre

You just chopped it
And while I held back tears
I no longer wanted
Your praise

At that point
I knew what I was in for
I was in for a war
And I intended to win

You would not break me
Miss Margaret McStenson
Not even a little bit

I would see to that!

So I took my pen
And bore it into my leg
To quell the fury
Rising through my body

But tonight
Tonight at our last tech
Tonight when I was JUST STARTING
To get over what you'd done
You did it

You cut my last line
My last line
In this horrible play

YOU CUT IT!

And no, it wasn't a funny line
And no, it wasn't a poignant line
And no, it wasn't longer than three words

But--

"Claire, he's here."

THAT'S ALL I HAD!
THAT'S ALL I HAD IN THIS WORLD!
THAT WAS IT!
AND YOU CUT IT!
YOU BITCH!
YOU HEARTLESS BITCH!

I want that line back

Do you hear me?
Do you?
Or so help me
I will paint YOUR wagon, Miss Stenson

I want that line back
And I want to be able to say it
Loud and with a pause
And I even want to do a little bow
When I leave the stage

I had four lines
And like a mother zebra
Who watches her young
Be eaten by leopards
I REFUSE to watch one more
Go down your mucus-filled gullet!

So you're going to give me back that line
Do you hear me?
DO YOU?

. . . . .

Thank you

I'm glad one of us
Is finally starting to act
Like a professional

The Villain Monologue

-- This is for Jay --

"The Villain Monologue"

One second

Allow me to swivel
In my specially-made swivel chair
Designed to swivel
At a very slow speed
Thereby allowing me
To take my time
And terrify you

Take note of my deformed hand
Glance at the scar over my open eye socket
Notice how I sneer at will
Then have a seat

NOT IN THAT CHAIR

Sit in the blue chair
That's the chair
For people I'm about to murder

If you sit in the green chair
You get a pedicure
And then die
And why waste a good pedicure?

Are you comfortable?
I just had a new pillow
Put on that chair
Do you like the pillow?
It's a little modern for me, but...

NEVERTHELESS

I'm going to offer you a choice
A choice that will tear you apart
And while you ruminate on your choice
I shall watch my ex-girlfriend
As she is fed to an aardvark

Oh believe me
Aardvarks will eat just about anything
If you cover them in ants

BUT NEVER MIND ABOUT THAT

Here is your choice:

There are two buttons on my desk
If you push the first button
Somewhere
A baby will die

I won't tell you where the baby is
Or who it belongs to
But trust me
It will die

If you push the second button
All the kittens in the world will die
I'm talking every last kitten
Even the one who's big enough
To be considered a cat

Don't ask me how I will manage
To bring about these two scenarios
Just by having you push
One of these buttons

But trust me
I will manage
And manage with joy
And a song in my heart

So what's it going to be?

On the one hand
Babies are sacred
Little creatures of God
And a baby is mortifying to lose
Much more so than a kitten

But we're not talking one kitten, are we?
We're talking EVERY kitten
You push the second button
And when you walk out of this building
The street will be littered with dead kittens
There will be rivers of dead kittens
The Grand Canyon will be filled with...

You guessed it

Dead Kittens

Granted, you won't be out of the building for long
Because I have a sniper on the roof
Prepared to take you out
As soon as you cross the street
But the last thing you'll think about
As you step over
What will most definitely be
A dead kitten in the middle of the road
Will be that you have brought about
A Kitten holocaust

The first ever in history

Oh sure, there will be more kittens
The older cats will continue to procreate
And there will be one less family
Mourning the loss of a child
But what about all those children
That are still living
But living with having seen
Their kitten's eyes fall out

That's right
The kitten's eyes will fall out
It's paws will turn blue
And it'll spit up
What will look like
A combination of blood
And strawberry yogurt

Imagine a world full of children
Forced to grow up
After having seen that

I'd say we'd have a lot more serial killers on our hands

More veterinarians too perhaps
But that's neither here nor there

Oh, I know what you're thinking

This is so silly
It's a simple choice
Kittens are kittens
And a baby is a baby

But you don't know
Which baby will die

It might be a baby whose parents didn't want it
It might be an Ozark baby
The youngest of thirty, thirty-five
Who wouldn't have gotten any attention anyway

It might be the baby of a celebrity
Who would love nothing more
Than a dead baby to write an autobiography about
And go on Oprah to talk about

You could rationalize one dead baby
But how do you rationalize
A world full of adorable kittens?

That baby could grow up
To be a complete moron
But at least one of those kittens
Is going to amount to something

. . . . .

Well, I'll leave the room
So that you may make your choice
In peace...

And if I hear the sounds
Of millions of crying children
And smell a mix of iodine and strawberries
I'll know you've made your decision

Please feel free to help yourself
To some complimentary cashews

And don't try escaping the building
Without having pushed one of the buttons
There's no way yout

And don't push both buttons at the same time
I'm pretty sure that would blow up half of Greenland
But I can't be sure

ANYWAY

Ta Ta