Just Passing By

Stopped my bike at the corner
Saw your sign in the window
Should have let me in
Instead I saw you finger your cross
And your loss was apparent
But you still decided to keep me out in the dust
Where I couldn't bring my berries in

And it's because I had a bike, isn't it?
Or was it because you couldn't see me
Even when I was standing right in front of your mirror

You tasted my eyes before you felt my breath
You meant to say good-bye
But you climbed up instead
Wanted to ride my bike with me
Wanted to learn to ride with me

You were just gonna pass by me
Weren't you?

Instead you stand there
Behind your prayers
Waiting to go upstairs and kneel down
Not feel heat coming up from outside
Where me and my ride
Are just passing by

Just wanted to pick you up
And take you out
One last time

His Boyfriend

His boyfriend makes less money than him
He doesn't do his hair
He doesn't care
He doesn't dare wonder why I'm hanging around
He thinks he's grounded
But he's really surrounded by his man's past
When at last he realizes it
One of them is going to be ready to quit

His boyfriend is his Facebook pic
His boyfriend is his solar system

He plants candy hearts
In sallow ground
Thinking they'll grow
Into Hallmark cards

He doesn't know they talk about him at parties
He doesn't know he's one room away from the truth
He doesn't know about me or you or the parade going by
Nor does he wonder why he can hear whispers
Whispering that the ring on his finger
Has another man's name scraped off underneath

His boyfriend is his status
His boyfriend keeps him high

How many high fives 'til your hand gets sore
How many doors close because your boyfriend's scared of your success
How many messes do you have to clean up
Before the fucking doesn't measure up to the fucking up
Sucking up to his parents
Hoping they'll like you
More than the last guy he screwed

His boyfriend is his roommate
His boyfriend is his Marc Jacobs bag

All his friends are fake
All his waking hours are spent
Looking at the guys who came and went
And most are better looking than him
And he can trim himself down to a six pack and pecs
But he knows he's next and not next to last
Not even, not even close

All the clothes in the world
Wouldn't stop him from losing out
To a boy or a girl or a job
Or an idea or a theory
Or a good movie
Or an undiagnosed psychiatric condition

He makes videos to show that he's a star
And he goes viral while not seeing
That they get stoned and see him seeing himself
Ready to shelf him on the dusty edge
And hope that he'll fall down

His boyfriend is a series of nicknames
His boyfriend is a footnote

He'll gloat until the time runs out
Until another rung on a better ladder
Or a badder idea
Comes along
For a ride

Then he'll decide
If he was his boyfriend

Or something else entirely

Mercury

I'm Mercury

I'm the first planet from the sun
But I'm not the smallest
That would have been Pluto
But then scientists figured out
That Pluto was not a planet
But a comet, and so they renamed it Steve

After my friend Steve who is small
But acts like he's big
Even though I can beat him up

One time I punched Steve
And he cried
And I said I wouldn't tell anyone
But now he says he likes my sister
And that's so gross I threw up
But I did it in my mouth
So you wouldn't see
Because Mercury has an inner core
Made up of throw up
Because otherwise it would throw up on Venus
And then Venus would throw up on Earth
And we'd all be covered in throw-up
And life would be bad

The planet would be uninhabitable

Like my friend Steve's house
Because it smells

I am Mercury
And that means I go around the sun a lot
Which makes me tired
So then I have to go to bed at nine
Even though that's really lame
Because all the good shows come on at ten
But my mom mom says she doesn't care
And if I don't like it I can go live at Steve's house
Which I would because his parents let him stay up
But they also don't have a shower
So I don't know

A night on Mercury lasts forever
Like going to my uncle's house
Where you can't touch anything
Because it's all expensive
And he only has Diet Pepsi
Which tastes like pee water
Which I didn't even make up
My Dad did
But I get in trouble when I say it
Because Dads can't get in trouble
Because they lie better than kids do

If I were another planet, I would be
Because I hate Mercury
Because nobody writes about it
And I think it's unfair that I'm not Saturn
Which is super easy to do
And Steve gets to be Saturn
But he looks gay with that rainbow costume on
And all his mom's rings
Which are fake gold
And not real
Like he says he is

I couldn't dress up like Mercury
Because Mercury is just a rock
But it's close to the sun
So I had my mom put all her self-tanner on me
Because Mercury must be really tanned
But now I smell like a coconut
And I think for that I should get an 'A'

Thank you

Willa and the Heat

Marjana, I am not going out with him again

I am not

Because he talked about his poop

He did, his poop

He talked about it

Brought it UP, Marjana

Brought IT UP to ME

Uh uh

Not having that in my life, Marjana

Not having it at ALL

Said it was healthy

What do I care that it's healthy?

Nice hair means you're healthy

Why couldn't he talk about his hair?

By God, it's hot

I wouldn't have gone out with him

But I had to get out of my house

Because I can't have a.c.

Because a.c. kills bluebirds

It hurts the environment

They said that on the Fox, Marjana

On the Fox news

They said the scientists are bullshitting about Global Warming

But then they got a breaking bulletin

That all these bluebirds are dying in Vegas

Because they use so much a.c.

Or because God is smiting them

Because it's a town of whores and lies and gambling

God, I'm so hot

I wish I could shove a fan up inside myself

And cool myself down from the inside out

Oh that is not DIRTY, Marjana

What's dirty is that man you set me up

Mr. Poop

He's the dirty one

I wouldn't even shake his hand at the end of the date

Well, a peck on the cheek isn't a handshake, Marjana

His poop doesn't go anywhere near his cheek

At least, I hope not

And you WORK with this man!

You better use that hand cleanser you keep at your desk more often

Because you are working with a feces fetishist

That's a word

That's a WORD, Marjana

Add 'ist' to anything and it's a word

It's how you make words

God, I am sweating like a heifer at a Wendy's

Well, maybe the heifer would be curious, Marjana

It's just an expression

I am sitting here at my kitchen table

Fanning myself with Harper's Bazaar

Legs spread out like I'm ready to receive Jesus

Oh, the heat, Marjana, it is stifling

And every man in this town has gone crazy because of it

Every man I've met in the past three weeks

Have been depraved lunatics or poop lovers

Last week I let Dara Lee set me up with a man named Clint

Nice name, I know? Right

He SPANKED me

On the way into the restaurant

He SPANKED me

Right on the bottom

Like he was trying to get me to cry out after birth or something

Like my behind needed testing

I turned around and I slapped his crotch

Oh, I most certainly did

And let me tell you something

My ass has more bounce in it than his crotch, Marjana

Down he went, like the Titanium

It was a sight

It was a SIGHT to BEHOLD

I don't know who raised him

But there was clearly a lot of abuse

Because he has fetishized violence

Marjana, if you add an 'ized' to it, it's a word

It's a double word

Like a double word score

God, it is too hot to argue with you

My hair is coming down onto my face like wet noodles

Down the outside of a whore's pocketbook

EXPRESSION, MARJANA, EXPRESSION!

Maybe you need to get your head spanked

Maybe I oughta call up Clint for you

Oh dear Lord, screw the bluebirds, I'm turning on the a.c.

They're probably just dying because they're outside where there's no a.c.

And I can't help that

I can't invite all the bluebirds into my house

I just put down new linoleum

No, no, no

No more dates, Marjana!

It's too hot to date

And men get the wrong idea

You take your panties off during dinner

And toss 'em on the table

Because your stomach sweat's pooling in your lap like a puddle

And suddenly they think you're ready to go

Well, I can't have that

It's too hot, Marjana

It's just too damn hot

This Puppy

Mrs. Maguire, I'd like to sell you this puppy

Now, I know what you're going to say

You already have a dog

But Mrs. Maguire, if you had a nickel
And someone offers you a hundred dollar bill

Do you say--

Oh, sorry, I can't
I already have a nickel
I don't have room for that much more money

No, Mrs. Maguire, you don't say that

Because you can never have too much money
And you can never have too many dogs with an IQ over one sixty
Living in your house at one time

A dog like this puppy
Is the reason I got out of the car business
And went into the pet business

That and the lawsuit, of course

But let's not talk about me
Let's talk about your new puppy

Mrs. Maguire, this puppy is only four years old

Now, I know what you're going to say
Four years old is no puppy
But this one has barely been played with

The woman who had it before
Used to pet it twice a day
Feed it, then put it back in its crate

Look at its paws
They're like pincushions!

Without the pins, of course
I never put pins in a dog's paws

Not like SOME pet shops I could tell you about
That might or might not
Be across the street from my shop

This puppy is efficient, it's clever

Just last week I saw it reading Atlantic Monthly

Plus it's lovable

Oh sure, it bites occasionally
But what dog doesn't?

Besides, it's not like it has any teeth left

And who doesn't love the feeling of a puppy
Gnawing at your face while you sleep

That's love, Mrs. Maguire, in its purest form

What can I say to put this creature in your heart today?

Now, I know you're wondering whether or not
You want to take a chance
On a beautiful, affectionate, James Beard award-winning puppy
Like this one

And all I have to say to that is--

Just last week I sold four puppies just like this one

And three of those owners
Won the lottery the next day

I'm not saying God sent me these dogs, Mrs. Maguire
But I certainly wouldn't want to walk out of this store without one

Plus, if you want
I'll take off that price I shaved into its fur
And shave out another one
On its other side

So what do you say?

Do we have a deal?

Jenna in New Orleans

There's a girl being reborn
In New Orleans

Her name is Jenna

She's a waitress
At a nice restaurant
Perched atop a garbage heap

Down at the bottom
The dwellers crawl up
Looking for something to eat
And she throws them down scraps
On her break

On her break
She smokes and stares out
Over the city
As it pulses
Still wet
From birth

From rebirth

She tries not to get ash
On her nice black pants
And she thinks about the men
She used to fuck for money
And how they paid her less
Than what she makes now in tips

She thinks of the man who left her in Chicago
And the man she left in Chicago
And the girl she left in Vegas
The one she got high every night
Just to see another person happy

She cut off her hair
And half her jeans
And she doesn't wear make-up
Because she wants her skin
To look hard

But the innocence she tried so hard to destroy
Creeps back through her pores
And paints her a lovely color

Her apartment has windows
With black duct tape over them
Because she doesn't like natural light

It comes when you don't want it to
And she doesn't like waking up to it

She spends too much time
Looking at her fingernails
Wondering when she can start biting them again

She quit all her bad habits
On a lay-over in Atlanta

Looking out the window of the plane
Talking to some kid
Heading to Providence

Jenna doesn't tell him
That she lived there for years
When she went to Brown

She doesn't mention it at all

But she thinks about the bad October
When she got drunk every night
And slammed her car into a pole
Thankful it wasn't a tree

She remembers the Halloween party
When she slapped some girl
Because of a comment she made
That turned out not to be about Jenna

She remembers her mantra
The only thing that kept her going--

'Can't wait to get the fuck out of here. Can't wait to get the fuck out of her.'

She wanted to move
At least that's what she thought
It never occurred to her that moving wouldn't be enough
That what she needed was a rebirth

Outside her apartment
There's a woman named Osa
Who came to New Orleans from Uganda
To live a better life

When Katrina hit
She got raped by a guy in the Ninth Ward
Who left her pregnant
And a chain smoker

She kept the baby
But she kept smoking throughout the pregnancy
And nobody told her to stop

Osa doesn't remember the rapist
But her daughter Ana is half-white
So Osa knows one thing at least

Jenna likes to sit with Osa on the stoop
And trade cigarettes and stories

Osa's are true
But Jenna makes hers up
To make Osa laugh

What does she need to hear the truth for?

When Osa told her about the rape
Jenna thought of the bad October
At a house party in Newport

How the fuck she got to Newport is anybody's guess

She remembered walking in on three guys
And a girl on the bed

The girl didn't look any older than Jenna was
But she was crying
And the guy on top of her
Had her hand over her mouth

Jenna remembered switching places with that girl
Going inside her body
Feeling the push
And the struggle

The tears going back into her own eyes
Burning them up

Knowing there were two other guys
Going to do the same time

Her skin going hard then harder
Then becoming a wall
An impenetrable wall

Then one of the guys called her a nosy bitch
And slammed the door shut

Jenna stumbled out of the house
And landed in the driveway

She woke up the next day in her dorm
One of her friends had brought her home

She never knew who the girl was
She didn't even know what street the house was on
Or why she was there in the first place

But she remembered the burning tears
And the hardening of that girl's skin
While she was inside her body

Instead of telling anyone about it
Jenna learns to run

She stops drinking
And becomes strong
Strong against the softness
She still feels inside her

She pushes herself
To do well in school
To find a good boyfriend
To become a positive force within the world

And still she can't go to parties
And still she can't listen to loud music
And still when she finds a boyfriend
And he wants to make love
She has to be on top
And close her eyes

Then she goes to London
And meets Robert
And he's so decent
Being with him
Is like rubbing balm on your skin

Finding him is like finding forgiveness
And so she stops running

But she doesn't stop moving

Because London is still too loud
And Providence is too close
And New York is too dark
And L.A. is too bright
And when they get to Chicago
Robert tells her he's sick of moving
And can't they stay still
And she walks to
But she can't
And he can't understand
So he leaves

Everything after that is a rebirth
Falling in love with a boy waiting for his flight
Running around the airport
Like characters in a short story
Going to Vegas and meeting Emma
Sleeping next to her every night
Counting out how many times she'd reach for Jenna
Only to have Jenna move back a few inches

When she got on the flight for New Orleans
She had no fingernails and no hair
But she did have eight grand shoved in a cheap purse
She bought right before she left

Flying over the city
She was disappointed at not seeing water
Even though the flood was years ago

She wanted to dive into the water
And come out of it reborn
Ready to live in a new city
As shiny and fresh as she would be

Instead there was dirt
And stories from strangers
People like Osa
Who still couldn't believe
How sharp history in its present form
Could be

Jenna sits outside the restaurant
And plays with new names

Maybe she'll call herself Emma
After the girl she left in Las Vegas
Lying on a bed
Reaching for her

Jenna remembered thinking she looked like the girl from Newport

Back in the bad October

When the break is up
The cigarette still has some breath in it
So she decides to quit the restaurant
And stay out here
Until the manager hires someone new

She'll have to move again

Whatever money she has
She'll give to Osa
In a blank envelope

The city's not new enough
And the people are all old
Still clinging to their old culture
Trying to dig it up
Out of the rubble

She wonders where she'll go next
And whether or not her feet will stick this time

She'll bite her nails again
She'll fuck men again--for money, for free
She'll get high again
And give up God again
And believe again

But tonight she's old

Tonight her only home
Is the cigarette
And the view from above

Looking down on the poor helpless people
Wondering how much longer she can look at them

Before she runs

You Gotta See This Town

You gotta walk down the street
Where the sidewalk meets the heat
And see if you can breathe in
The Saturday night lights
Shining from two days away

You got kissed tonight
You did all right
You forgot to pay
So you have to run back
And apologize to the waitress

As you're running
You see spots where old friends
Broke up and choked up
And got into fights
And stood beneath the lights
You should be standing under now

But somehow they're different lights
And not just the bulbs
Instead they seem to sense

That you were on the fence about moving
Because at one point
You were the only guy left in the joint
From the original crew
And did you want to be that guy?

So the lights said--

'Stick around, kid, you're not done here yet.'

You got hammered tonight

Shit-faced
Wonderful
Drunk
Sincere
Stupid
Amazing

You finally told the truth
About who you are and what you want
And you want to eat pizza at 2am
And call your aunt in New Mexico
Just to say thank you
For being the coolest person I knew growing up

You got balls now
You got a soul
You're in control over how bad you feel
And really, you've always been in control

You like the smack of the sidewalk
As you hit each crack
And pass by hotels you've never stayed at
And restaurants you've never eaten at
And people you haven't met yet

But you bet you will
You bet you will

You imagine writing letters
To the friends who've left

Telling them they missed the town
They lived in for years

Letting them know they didn't really see it
Because you didn't either
Until tonight

Until someone grabbed you
And planted a new perspective
On the edge of your lips

Now you write an imaginary postcard
To everyone who left
Telling them to come back down

Saying you didn't see it
You never see it

And you gotta see this town