The caveman must wear attire
At all times
That’s the purpose of these rules
Which we have labored
To carve into the wall
Of this cave
Otherwise known was ‘Work Cave’
The first rule is that attire
Is not optional
So what kind of attire
Is appropriate
For the Work Cave?
Leaves are acceptable
But they must be placed
Around the areas
That are known
To cause trouble
Within the group
You know what kind
Of trouble I’m talking about
So don’t act like you don’t
We don’t want to see you
With leaves on your arms
And not on your you-know-what’s
Because nobody ever got into trouble
With their arms
Except for Herg who got his arms stuck
In a Little Arms egg
But covering his arms in leaves
Wouldn’t have solved that problem
So why are we even talking about it?
It’s taken two days
Just to carve the tangent
About Herg
Into this wall
So we need to move on
Feathers are acceptable
But please do not use
Blue Attacker feathers
Because many in the tribe
Have a bad reaction
To being around
Those kinds of feathers
And we can’t have everybody
Scratching and complaining
Because then nothing will get done
We know some of you think
That the reactions to the Blue Attacker feathers
Is ‘made-up’ or ‘exaggerated’
But that’s really not your decision to make
And there are plenty of other Attackers
To pull feathers from
Provided they don’t kill you
So please just stick to Red Attackers
Or Light Red Attackers
And for the record
None of you look good in Blue Attacker feathers
It’s not your color
So don’t get all worked up about it
Dirt is fine, obviously
But please make sure it’s FRESH DIRT
Don’t come into Work Cave
With dirt you found
Near the Little Arm nests
Because you can’t be sure
If that’s dirt or...something else
That you’re covering yourself in
And since many of you seem averse
To washing yourselves in the river
You may not notice
That you reek of Little Arm dung
So if you’re going to cover yourself in dirt
Please make sure it’s dirt taken
From the far side of the clearing
And not the dirt near the garden
Since we use Little Arm dung there
And if you use that dirt
Not only will our smellers curl
In your presence
But we won’t be able
To grow our green foods
And then we’ll be starving
And bad-smelling
And then where will we be?
The hide of a kill is tricky
Because you have to clean the hide
And many of you are incapable
Of cleaning yourselves
Let alone the skin of a dead kill
But if you are able to clean it
An animal hide is one of the best options
For attire
Nurb recently showed up to Work Cave
In a beautiful tusk-skin
That was just wonderful
Everybody remarked upon it
And told him how great it looked
And--
‘Oh, it must have taken forever to clean, Nurb’
‘Oh, it did. You have to take it to the pond
You can’t just take it to the river
This is a special skin
It needs pond water’
But we realize not everybody
Has access to tusk-skin
And not all of you feel like
Going to the pond every other day
To keep it clean
So stick to the dirt and the feathers
And the leaves
If all you can get are leaves
But again
Only over the troubling bits
And just leave the rest alone
Because if you’re walking around
Covered in leaves
Covered in leaves
Someone might think you’re a not-killed-yet
Lurking in a bush
And they might kill you
And then wear your skin around
And people might compliment them on it
When they show up to Work Cave wearing it
And isn’t that just a terrible thought?
That’s why we have rules
That’s why we have rules
And that’s why we have to follow the rules
And that’s why we carved them
Into this cave
And it took a long time
Because we had to use pictures
Since we haven’t invented words yet
So we hope you appreciate
The time we took
To create a professional environment
For all of you
And, as always--
Casual Fridays are still
In effect
