I Will Kill This Show for You

Don't worry, baby.

I will kill this show for you

I will take that role
That you want so much
And I will shove you into it
Like an elephant into a Victorian corset

I will ignore
Author intent
Previous incarnations of the show
And good old-fashioned common sense

And I will give you that role

I will choose not to notice
That you look totally wrong for the part
I will turn a blind eye to the fact
That you can't sing it, not even a little bit
Not even a third of it

I will be completely oblivious
When taking into consideration
The very real possibility
That no other person walking this earth
Perhaps in the history of theater
Would have given you this role

I'll act like that's a HUGE surprise to me
When the critics
And the audiences
And your fellow actors
All rip you apart

I'll kill the show for you
And then I'll act downright shocked
When everyone tells me
That's what happened

And let me tell you something, baby
That'll be one hell of a performance