Leaving the City

I had to stop and look at it
One more time, just one more time
Didn't know I'd see it like this
Before I left

The whole city
Lit up and shining
Like a bakery
In a morning snow storm

Gonna be hard not to miss it
Never said I wasn't going to miss it

But I gotta leave it to other people
Other people who can love it
More than I can right now

Right now it's just a bunch of buildings
With windows
With nobody behind them
Except for strangers

Right now it's just a closed book
One I tried to read
And couldn't finish

And I know where she is
She's behind one of those windows
But I don't know which one anymore

It's going to suck the first time
I go to the store
And realize I don't have to remember
To buy her shampoo

It's going to suck to drive over the bridge
And not take the exit
To go see her

It's going to suck
Not to have anyone
To make the crazy monster face for

It's going to suck
Not seeing her cat anymore
Or her white furniture
That made me nervous
Or her, you know

Obviously, her

But I think if I go to different stores
If I have different places to go to
If I never have to drive
Over that particular bridge again
Maybe it'll be better, you know?

Maybe, maybe
You know?

I want to see if I can leave my sadness here
If I can tell it I'm going to the store
And then just not come back

See if it'll follow me
Or if it'll find me
Like how dogs find their owners

I wonder how loyal
My sadness is to me

I don't really have much to say to the city
To her, I could say a thousand things
I could read the phonebook to her
And still not say everything
I could let words trip out of my mouth
And pool around her

See if she could dog paddle in them
Back to a safer shore
In another man's arms

But to the city, I don't have much
Just a shoulder shrug and a 'Yeah...'
With an ellipses

You know?

Not even sure if I want to leave
I just know she's the city
And the city is her
And the windows all show her reflection
And the bridge is over her body
And the store only sells her diet soda
And her perfume
And her mascara

And I know I can't be a man here
I never was, I guess
I can't be the man I'd like to be
So it's either why be
Or why be here?

I don't know when I'll leave
But I know it's at least
What I can be doing

I can be leaving

Hey

Maybe it's what I've been doing
All along