I'm Not Impressed

Okay, this is where he makes the caged lion disappear.

Are you ready?

Here it goes.

. . . . .

Ooooohhhhhhh it's gone

Shocker

Nobody says 'Um, it was in a cage. It would have been a lot cooler if an uncaged lion disappeared because then it could move and stuff and not just fall down a trap door--'

Oops, did I say that out loud?

I guess I'm not winning the assistant award today.

But yeah--

Caged lion disappears.

Everybody claps.

That's how you know people are stupid.

After this, he makes doves come out of flower pots.

As if doves can't fit in flower pots. It's not like he makes them come out of matchboxes.

You know what? I bet a dove could even fit in a matchbox if you wanted it to. They have small bones, right?

He's looking over at me. That means the doves don't want to come out of the flowerpots. Watch, this'll be my fault. Because I didn't train them right. Like it takes so much training to make a dove want to come out of a flower pot.

They either want to, or they don't. And if they don't want to, they don't. It's not like humans where sometimes you HAVE to do things you don't want to do, or work jobs you don't like, or clench your teeth and smile while a few hundred dumbasses stand up and clap because your boss was under water for ten minutes and didn't drown.

You know what? I can stay under water for ten minutes. It's not that hard.

One day, I'm going to quit. I'm going to quit and open a diner outside Reno. That's my dream.

I don't want magic anymore. Magic's just what they give you when they don't want you to notice the bullshit.

Hang on, I have to go help him get the doves out--the whole time looking inconspicuous--THAT should be fun.

They say he's the best act in Vegas.

Yeah, well...

I'm not impressed.