Mrs. Brugel's Pilgrims

Everybody! Look at Mrs. Brugel!

Quiet woodchuck! Look at my hand! It's a woodchuck! And woodchucks are quiet!

You all look SOOO fantastic in the outfits my new life partner made for you! Nina is such a devil on the sewing machine--and on the recliner--HAHAHA!

I am so thrilled that after years of the 5th grade presenting the Thanksgiving Pageant (in what can only be called a creative vacuum in which Mr. Barton added his anti-feminist slant to the story of our country's founding by having all the women pilgrims relegated to standing behind the men shucking corn) the 3rd Graders will FINALLY get to take a stab at this juicy theatrical turkey!

Sidenote, I want you all to finish your Get Well cards for Mr. Barton by tomorrow. I don't know who gave him that undercooked chicken in the teachers' lounge, but I'm sure they're very VERY sorry for what they did.

MOVING ON!

I want you children to know that this will not be your typical Thanksgiving Pageant. It will strive for a level of accuracy that has never been seen on an elementary school stage.

Now, I realize that none of you are ACTUAL Native Americans, which is why I've asked some of you to have your parents take you tanning so that your skin can achieve a more sun-beaten look. Some of you did what I asked, and some of you didn't. All I have to say is that I'm glad I didn't stop by the dollar store last night, after shopping at Joe's Liquor's, just in case I ran out of gold stars, as that will CLEARLY not be the case.

It's very important that those of you playing the pilgrims DON'T speak to those playing the Native Americans. I want to feel the tension between the two groups. That way, when we get to the syphilis spreading scene, the betrayal will be that much more deep.

Have you ever been betrayed children? It's something that can't be described. It's as if the Native Americans fell madly in love with the pilgrims only to come home one day and find them in bed with the contractor you hired to enlarge the office so that the pilgrims COULD HAVE BUILT-IN BOOKSHELVES!

Girls, please listen to what I'm saying. You're pilgrim women. You give birth, peel potatoes, and build furniture ALL IN ONE DAY! Of course, that's before the Native American men steal you away and make you their concubines, but your death is all the more tragic because of how meaningless your lives were.

Think about that. Think about the lack of meaning. It'll sting when you do. That means you're acting.

Kids, I know this isn't what you think Thanksgiving is. I know you've been force-fed happy yams and images of Pocahontas licking apple sauce off of Goodie Jane's voluptuous...uh...where was I going with this?

OH! RIGHT!

You HAVE to change your mindframe, kids! The pilgrims betrayed the Native Americans, and that was WELL before they got to the cranberry sauce.

We have to present reality. Because reality is what this country was founded on. It was founded on backstabbing, lying, mass murder and REALITY!

And reality is something we can be grateful for.

So hike up your skirts, lady pilgrims--we're going to do the mass birthing scene, and this time, I want to see you feel it!