Leaving Rhode Island: Starting Over/Giving Up

You see, there is a difference

I’m just not sure

What the difference is?

 

Well, I am

I am sure

 

The difference is…the result?  Yes?

 

Or the shame?

The guilt of it?

 

Staying or going

 

You do something

And if, five years later

You’re happy about it

That means you started over

You made a good call

Good for you

Bravo

 

But…if you feel this..lingering…something

 

Then…maybe…you quit?

 

You left too soon?

 

I left Rhode Island

And I thought

Blank page

New start

 

No more marriage

My kids are grown

I lost my job

Let’s get the heck out of here, right?

 

So I did

 

And everybody was very happy for me

And I felt good about it

And so I moved

And it was fine

Not great, just, you know, fine

And I thought…

 

………………………….

 

I mean, you get to a place

In your life

Where you can’t help it

You look back

At where you’ve been

Both figuratively and literally

And you think—

 

When should I have fought

And when should I have, uh, well

Surrendered?

 

And you start to crawl back

Over all these instances…

 

Should I have fought for my marriage?

My job?

The way my kids see me?

Not as some walking wallet

Who dispenses twenties

And impersonal hugs?

 

Should I have tried to stick it out in Rhode Island

Until I felt like I had, you know—

Conquered it?

 

Can you?

 

Can you actually, uh, conquer

A place?

 

I don’t know

 

It would be so much easier

If starting over

Didn’t feel

Like giving up