I'm Not Following You

     (LEON and NATE at their respective homes talking over text.)

LEON:  Hey Nate!

NATE:  Hey Leon, how you doing?

LEON:  I'm good, I'm good.

NATE:  Good.

LEON:  Yeah.

NATE:  Yeah.

LEON:  Hey?

NATE:  Yeah?

LEON:  Not to be weird, but I...couldn't help but notice that you unfollowed me on Twitter.

NATE:  Oh wow.

LEON:  Yeah.  Not to be weird.

NATE:  No.

LEON:  I know it's weird.

NATE:  It's not.

LEON:  I know it's weird.

NATE:  It's a little weird.

LEON:  I just wanted to know if I did something?

NATE:  No, it's not you.

LEON:  Okay.

NATE:  It's Twitter.

LEON:  I know it's on Twitter.

NATE:  No, I mean, it's how Twitter is.

LEON:  I know people unfollow each other on Twitter.

NATE:  No, I mean, it has more to do with who you follow on Twitter.

LEON:  What?

NATE:  Who you follow and who you like.

LEON:  I'm confused lol

NATE:  Sorry lol

LEON:  It's fine lol

NATE:  But it's like you follow and like a lot of stuff that I don't want to see?  But I can't not see that stuff because I follow you.

LEON:  I forget that you can see the stuff I like or follow.

NATE:  I would say I more often see the things you like or follow more than I see things you actually post.

LEON:  Weird.

NATE:  Yeah.

LEON:  So weird.

NATE:  Yeah.

LEON:  Weird.

NATE:  I didn't know you moved to Tahiti but I know that you got really into taffy-making videos last year.

LEON:  Weird.

NATE:  Yeah so then I have to block or filter out all the posts from all the people you're liking or following when really Twitter just shouldn't be showing me all that because if I wanted to see that I would just follow those people, but it feels like it's shoving it down my throat.

LEON:  Right.

NATE:  Like, Twitter keeps showing me this comedian's posts because all my friends like him and I finally had to block the comedian and I don't even necessarily have, like, negative feelings towards the comedian, but I'm just feeling angry that Twitter is consistently always showing me this guy's posts when I didn't ask to see them and I can't get three likes on my post about beating cancer.

LEON:  You beat cancer?

NATE:  Um yeah lol

LEON:  I didn't know that lol

NATE:  Yeah lol

LEON:  Good for you, man lol

NATE:  Thanks man lol

     (A beat.)

LEON:  So you had cancer?

NATE:  I did.

LEON:  I didn't know that lol

NATE:  Well.  I did.

LEON:  Cool.

NATE:  Yeah.

LEON:  I just feel bad that we can't be friends anymore.

NATE:  I don't know if we can't be friends.

LEON:  Not in the way we were.

NATE:  Also I don't know if we ever were friends?

LEON:  Lol

NATE:  Lol

LEON:  Ha

NATE:  No, but I don't think we were.

LEON:  I've known you forever.

NATE:  We were at the same Kentucky Derby party once.

LEON:  I like all your posts.

NATE:  Yeah, I wish you would like less posts, because then we wouldn't be in this situation.

LEON:  I can like less posts.

NATE:  Leon, I don't want you to change how you behave.  It's no big deal.  We're just not connected on Twitter.  I didn't block you.  We can still connect.

LEON:  But it's going to be so much harder.

NATE:  Not really lol

LEON:  Yeah it is lol

NATE:  Leon, people used to have to talk to each other using the Pony Express.  You have to click twice instead of once.

LEON:  That's why they made one click, Nate, because two clicks was too many.

NATE:  This is all Twitter specific.  I didn't unfollow you on Facebook.

LEON:  Oh wow if you did that we'd be having a totally different conversation.

NATE:  Yeah, I didn't do that.

LEON:  I'm sweating at even thinking about you doing that.

NATE:  Good thing I didn't.

LEON:  But I don't use Facebook anymore.

NATE:  Why not?

LEON:  It wasn't good for me.

NATE:  But you're still on Twitter?

LEON:  Yeah.

NATE:  That's like giving up McDonald's and switching to toxic waste.

LEON:  Also Facebook's not cool?

NATE:  Lol

LEON:  Lol

NATE:  But yeah, you're not making any sense.

LEON:  Nate, I have 1,999 followers on Twitter and I had 2,000 and now I'm back to 1,999 so could you just follow me again.

NATE:  Someone else will follow you.

LEON:  I can't just go hemorrhaging followers, Nate.

NATE:  One person isn't a hemorrahage.

LEON:  It starts with one person.

NATE:  I am not the beginning of a hemorrhage, Leon.  Lol

LEON:  No lol

NATE:  Exactly lol

LEON:  No I'm saying 'No lol' like it's not funny I'm serious about this.

NATE:  Leon, I'm thinking I may have to block you.

LEON:  What? lol

NATE:  No lol

LEON:  Okay

NATE:  I just don't know you and you didn't know I had cancer and you keep liking posts from that guy who thinks that the state of Illinois is being run by androids.

LEON:  He has proof.  Did you watch the links?

NATE:  I just think we should cut ties even more so than I did before now.

LEON:  What if we did that but you followed me again?

NATE:  I'm not going to do that.

LEON:  Okay.

NATE:  Sorry.

LEON:  It's fine lol

NATE:  Lol

LEON:  Take care, man.

NATE:  You too.  Sorry about the cancer.

LEON:  Thanks.

NATE:  You care if I post about this?

LEON:  Nah, 'cause I won't see it.

NATE:  Yeah.

LEON:  So, you know, knock yourself out.

End of Play