To Princess Evelyn the Bold on Her Very First Birthday

To Princess Evelyn The Bold on Her Very First Birthday,

Greetings from us

Your loyal subjects

The King and Queen have, as you know,

Put you in charge

Of the mermaids

Who have taken over the lagoon

Thereby preventing

The Kingdom’s 83rd Annual

Lagoon Race

And we are most displeased

While we understand that you

As a one-year-old

Are not exactly well-equipped

In dealing with aquatic diplomacy

The royal assignments

Have been given

And yours was made clear

Get the mermaids

Under control

We have heard tell

That your nanny

Brought you to visit

The unruly mermaids

And that rather than chastise them

And threaten them

With harpoons

You frolicked in the water

Wearing an adorable

Bathing attire

And that the mermaids

Carried you with them

As they swam past shipwrecks

And pink and purple coral

Rumor has it

That you are not only

Friendly to the mermaids

But that they have made you

Their honorary princess

A title never given

To anyone with legs

As we write you this letter,

We are, admittedly,

Pleased that you are so lovable

Even the most ghastly creatures on earth

Find you favorable

But we must insist

That you develop a surlier disposition

Like Prince Peter from Prussia

Who waged war against the unicorns

When he was only two and a half

Of course in that case

The unicorns ended up

Storming the castle

And driving Prince Peter

And his parents

Into hiding

But at least he put up a fight

We have come to understand

That you believe

We should learn to co-exist

With the mermaids

Which is simply out of the question

For one thing, we named the lagoon

And therefore it is ours

And what’s more

We named it after you

It is the Princess Evelyn the First Royal Lagoon

Not the Overrun With Mermaids Chaos Pond

Your mother, the Queen,

Has told us that if you wish

To let the mermaids alone

Then we should permit you

To do so

But we beseech you

Expel those fish-women

And give us our watery sanctuary back

Oh sure, we have pools

And lakes

And the ocean is not far off

But we want the lagoon

Just the other day day

We saw your nanny

Pushing you in your pram

Down to the water

And before you had even reached

The edge of the blue

The mermaids were cascading

Out of the water

To welcome you

And invite you

To come play with them

Once you were among them

They kissed your face

And nestled you

Against their scaly chests

And laughed when you laughed

And did tricks to amuse you

And never have we seen mermaids

So loving and lyrical

When interacting

With anyone

Not even each other

Dear Princess Evelyn

Who we have titled

Evelyn the Bold

We see that on this

The day of your birth

And the first celebration

Of that birth

You have chosen

To rule with warmth

And joy

While we do beg you

To rethink this approach

We also find ourselves

Hiding on the rocks

Around the lagoon

Marveling at the way

You play with our foes

For it is always a miracle

How a place that lacked love

Can find itself filled with it

Simply because someone new arrived

Who knows nothing of what was wrong before

And only wishes

To go

For a swim