Batshit Crazy

See the thing about him is
He's batshit crazy

Now

I can handle a little crazy
I enjoy a little crazy
It's like a little splash of interesting
In my otherwise simple life

But he--is batshit crazy

That's the sort of crazy
I'm not interested in

Like, when you show up at my house unannounced
With a blanket in the front seat of your car in case I get chilly
And a mug of hot chocolate in the cup holder
That is a new kind of crazy

That is batshit crazy

It's the kind of crazy others find cute
And by others, I mean
Others who are of the batshit variety

I am not of that variety
I am not interested in that variety

I would rather get a pat on the head
Than a poem on a piece of parchment

I just wish guys would understand--

There are no great lines that haven't been spoken already
There aren't any compliments that haven't been given
And there are no bold gestures of love
That work in a modern world

If I wanted a musketeer, I'd go to a candy store

I just want a break from the day
I want someone who breaks my day
And, you know, in a good way
Stops me

Just stops me dead in my tracks
And gives me permission
To have a mini-vacation
From my life

Where I can just sit
And laugh
And not worry
That any minute
He's going to bust out
A violin player
And a dozen roses

I don't mind a little crazy
I'm a little crazy

And the thing about him is
He's batshit crazy

He's more crazy
Than I know
What to do with