Why You Have to Brush Your Teeth

You have to brush your teeth
Because if you don't
When you go to bed
Your teeth will feel so dirty
That they'll climb out of your mouth
And hop right into the bathtub

And once they've taken a bath
And they feel climb and fresh
They'll be wide awake
And so they won't want to go
Right back to bed
The way they should

Even though it's past their bedtime

Instead, they'll put on fancy dresses
And pretty shoes
Like the ones I like to wear
That the dog likes to eat

And they'll call a taxi
And yes, there are special taxi cabs
For teeth that are looking
For a night on the town

The Tooth Fairy's in charge of all that
And yes, it would seem her empire
Is expanding
And we're very happy for her

Anyway, back to your teeth--

They'll go all the way into the city
Where they'll meet handsome men
With long mustaches
And these men will keep them up all night dancing
And even though teeth are usually awfully good at telling time
The mustaches on the dancing men
Will hypnotize your teeth
And by the time they finally realize
That it's almost morning
It'll be too late to call a cab

And so they'll call here very upset
And we'll all have to get into the car
Even Boxer and Mitsy
And we'll all have to drive down to the city
To pick up your teeth
And then you'll have to speak to them when they get home
And tell them about responsibility
And how they'll have to be grounded
And that means no pineapple fluoride
The next time they go to the dentist
Just plain old mint

And they'll say to you--

'But if you were responsible and brushed us, this never would have happened!'

And they'll have a point, my darlings
They will have a very good point

And you, the caretaker of your teeth
Will be saying one thing
Having done another

And even though that happens
From time to time
When you're put in charge
Of things smaller than you

It's best to avoid it if you can

So, brush your teeth
And I'll send Grandma in
To tell you a story

Where am I going?

Well, uh, your father forgot to brush his teeth last night
And now we have to go out
And do some dancing
And see if we can find them

Oh no, darlings
You don't have to come--this time

You wouldn't want to see your father without teeth
It's not a pretty sight