You Can Get That Anywhere

Chrissy?

Chrissy!

Where'd ya get that chair from?

The regular store, huh?

I knew it

How much did you pay for that thing?

A fortune, I bet
A regular fortune
From the regular store

Don't even tell me how much
It'll make me sick

It was a lot, wasn't it?

Ugh, I'm going to be sick

You can get that anywhere, Chrissy

I can get that chair for you
From that store down the street from my house
Where they make the styrofoam lawn monkeys

You'd never know the difference

The trick is, you gotta be a smart buyer

You can't just buy something
Without looking around first

I went to twenty-eight different stores
Before I bought my couch
And wouldn't you know
I see it one week later at a yard sale

Aside from the red stains on the front of it
It was perfectly good
And I could have had it for half the price
If I hadn't jumped the gun
At store twenty-nine

You gotta be a smart buyer
In this economy

You gotta be shrewd

I bet I have a coupon for a chair like that
In my coupon drawer

I got coupons for everything

You want a coupon for birth control?
I got one

It's experimental
But it's buy-one-get-one free

You're on birth control, right?

Because God knows you can't afford a kid

But if you have a kid
The store down the street from me
With the lawn monkeys
Sells these discount brand diapers
That are a steal
AND they fixed whatever it was in them
That was giving all those babies that green rash

Oh fine
Don't take my advice

Why start now?

I'm just your mother
I just raised three kids
On two dollars
And a box of cheerios

What do I know about saving money?

What I do know
Is that that chair isn't worth more than...

How much was it, Chrissy?

Just tell me
Just rip it off
Like a band-aid

How much?

. . . . .

Oh...my...God

Chrissy, do you have any idea
How many lawn monkeys
You could have gotten for that much money?

It makes me sick, Chrissy

It makes me sick all over