The Collar

Thank you so much
For answering a few questions
Before I, you know, take the plunge
Hahaha into God, of course

The plunge into God

And, by the way
I am so happy
To be plunging
Myself
Into God

I cannot wait
To plunge

Anyway

I just have a few questions
About some of the
Quote unquote "rules"
That you have
About
Things

Like, for example
The collar

Do I HAVE to wear the collar?

I mean, obviously I have to wear it
When I'm...priesting
But, do I have to wear it...out?

You know, like when I'm trying to bring God's love
To different places

Like supermarkets, or libraries, or...singles' bars?

Well, single people need God too, Father

Oh, and that whole abstinence thing
I'm totally down for that
But, um, how would you define abstinence?

I mean, I know I'm not supposed to...you know...
With anybody
But, kissing doesn't REALLY count as...you know
Nor does touching...certain...parts

I guess I'm asking about the parameters here

Oh Father, please, calm down
I know I'm only supposed to love God
From now on
But I'm not talking about love
I'm just talking about bases one through three here

Okay, last question

The whole 'no earthly possessions thing'

Does that still apply if I win the lottery?

Not that I'm planning on playing the lottery...anymore

But, let's say I were to find a lottery ticket on the street
And go in to a store to claim it
So that I can find it if it belongs to an orphan
Or a man with no head

And it turns out that I can't find the owner of the ticket
And it's a winner

Would I be able to keep that money?

What if I promised to only buy really cool stuff with it?

...And share that cool stuff...

...You get what I'm saying here, Father?

Okay, okay

I'll see you at the ceremony then

But you know
You should really be more upfront
About these kinds of things