Billy and the Bull

Now listen

I ain't no man
So I ain't thinkin' about
Acting all stupid
And waving some cape at you
Like I'm Jo Jo the Magician

You wanna charge me
You're getting this sword right in your neck
And don't think I'll feel bad about it
Because I won't
Because I'm in no mood
And you've been warned
So you don't have any excuse
To go all rogue on me

Do we understand each other?

Now my name is Billy
And I will be your matador today
And yes I am a girl
And no that does not mean
That I will be putting up
With your livestock nonsense

I was raised on a ranch
So if you think I can't turn your ass into filet mignon
And still get home in time for 'Price is Right'
You got another think comin', sweetheart

Now, if you play your cards right
This can be a walk in the park for both of us
Because I don't plan on killin' nothin' today
If I don't have to

This is a brand new matador outfit
And I don't like getting bull blood on it
Until Tuesdays, because that's when I do my wash
So you just got lucky I guess

Now, here's what you're going to do

Don't go snorting at me
Like you don't understand

At my Daddy's ranch
They call me the bull whisperer

I once got a bull
To castrate itself
Without anesthesia
So don't go actin' like
I'm speakin' Canadian to ya
Because we both know that's not the case

Now I want you to make a lot of noise
And start limping around on one of your legs

Ain't nobody here wants to see an injured bull
Get slaughtered

They want a show
And if you're not gonna give 'em one
They'll put you back in the barn
Until you're feelin' better
Then they'll sick you on El Doro next week

And your chances with him'll be a lot better
Than they are with me
You can trust me on that

That man's a walking jelly donut
And about as smart as one too
So you have my permission
To stick him
Like a voodoo doll
Should you be so inclined

All you gotta do is start bendin' that leg
And make a sad little bull face
And I'll head home
With my costume unbesmirched

Do we have a deal?

Excellent

Mr. Bull, you seem to have a good bit of common sense in ya

If I didn't know better
I'd swear you were a cow