A Bad Kiss

I'm going to have to stop you
Because that was...

A really bad kiss
And, I'm sorry
I really am
But there's just no coming back
From a really bad kiss

I mean, the tongue
Why all the tongue?

Why would you presume to think
That that much tongue
Is acceptable?

Were you looking for something?
Were you looking for something with your tongue?
Were you trying to remove one of my fillings?
What was going through your head
Can you tell me?

Because you're not the first one that's tried that
And yet I'm completely shocked every time it does

And your hands!

Where were your hands?

Did they disappear?

I mean, I didn't want you to grope me
But without you touching me
It felt like I was kissing a pair of lips
Suspended in mid-air

It felt like I was making out
With the lips from Rocky Horror

It felt weird
The whole thing just felt
Weird

Oh, and the biting!

Why was there biting?

You know, I'll give you this
You have to be pretty bold
To assume that biting
Is going to be kosher
With the person you're kissing

Especially when you clearly do not have a talent for it

It should be a nibble
Not a full-on bite

You shouldn't leave a mark
On the inside
Of a person's lip

I can't even believe I have to explain this
I mean, do other people go for that stuff?

Have you gotten good reviews for all that?
Am I just a stick in the mud?

Oh God, who says stick in the mud?

Maybe I am the one with the problem
Here, kiss me again
I need to make sure it's not me

What?

You need to finish your garlic hummus
And then have a cigarette?

Never mind

I think I just got my answer