Temptation, or Fingernails

You wanna know temptation?

I can tell you
About temptation

And no, this is not a story about cocaine
Or heroin
Or alcohol
Or pills
Or gambling
Or sex
Or any of that stuff

So just relax, okay?

I'm not going to talk about needles
Going into my veins
So just chill the fuck out, okay?

Great

...Not that I haven't put needles in my veins

Oh, and I did everything on that list
That I just mentioned
So don't think I couldn't tell you stories
About all that stuff
Because trust me

I could

But I'm not going to

Because if I had to give you
The perfect example
Of temptation

I would just have to tell you
About my nails

I can't quit biting my nails

I quit all the other stuff
And last week I quit smoking
And if you want to know how hard that was
Ask my car

I flew into a rage
And smashed my own windshield
And I don't even remember why

I think someone used the word 'literally' incorrectly
And it set me off

Like, I said, I flew into a rage
And I'm not speaking figuratively

I actually flew through the air
Anger defies gravity
I don't know if you knew that

Anyway, the nail-biting is the last to go
Except it's not going anywhere

Because whereas all that other stuff
Can be removed from one's life
You canNOT remove your nails

Your nails are ALWAYS there

THAT is temptation

Temptation is having the thing that tempts you
Always there

And you can't do anything about it

You just have to look at that thing
Whatever it is

Every day

And live with it

Just keep living with it

And sometimes you gnaw a little bit
On one nail

And sometimes you pick at the skin
Around the nails

And sometimes you look at them
These nails
And you think

What the fuck do I do now that I have nails?

But they're there

They're there
And they're not going anywhere

And you're fucked

You know you're fucked

Because you know
That however much strength you have in you
You don't have nearly enough
To outlive or outrun something
That is attached to you

That is going to be staring you right in the face
For as long as you are alive

And so you gnaw
And you pick
And you dig your nails
Into your own skin

To say--

There!

That fucking hurts
But I'm beating you!

The more it hurts
The more it means
I'm beating this thing

This thing that I know
I can't ever really beat

And when you pull back
And look at those nails
And think to yourself--

You know, they're getting too long

And someone says to you

You know, your nails are getting too long

So someone's basically giving you PERMISSION
To indulge

That, all of that?

That's temptation

Trust me

That--

Is temptation