Letter to a Grieving Friend

Dear Friend,

We flew in

We flew in from Dallas
And L.A.
And Boston
And Brazil

We flew in
Because we heard about your father
And we felt it was necessary

Despite the expense
Despite the fact that you would have been okay
With us sending a card

We felt it was necessary

For you to look down the center aisle of the church
And see your friends sitting there
In a row

Actually there

To be there

If you needed us

We understand that there are things in life
That should not be phoned in

Birthdays that end with the number zero
Weddings, except for third weddings

You get the first two
But after that
All you're getting is a card
And a 'Good luck'

And funerals
Especially those of parents

Those cannot be phoned in

And so we flew

Right now, we are using sick
And vacation time

We are missing our kids' basketball games
And when they ask us why
We'll say--

'Because there will be other basketball games
But someone only goes through something this hard once
If they're lucky
And it's important to support them
When that happens'

We want to teach our children
The value of friendship

That life is not simply about getting married
And buying a house
And having kids
And then dropping off the face of the Earth

Life is about the people
Who made you
The spouse and parent you are

Because they made you better
Because they were your friends
When you needed them

And so you learned trust
And conversation
And kindness

And now it's time to pay that back

So we flew in

And we're here

If you need us

We know how you are grieving
Because we have lost our fathers too
Or our mothers
Or siblings
Or, in some awful cases
A spouse or a child

And so we know how valuable it is
To be in the presence
Of a circle

A circle of people holding hands
So that no matter which way you fall
There will be hands
To catch you

We will catch you

We are here

And we will be here
For as long as you need us
To be here

Until the sick days run out
And we lose our jobs

Until our children grow old
And forget about us

Until--well, maybe
We're exaggerating

But what we mean is

We're here to do the work
Of being your friend

Because this is not the fun part
Of being someone's friend
This is the work

But it is work
We are proud to do

We are proud
To be able
To be here
For you

So let us

We're in the back
Down the aisle

Ready

If you fall

Sincerely,

The People in the Back Row