The Dilemma of a Girl That Wasn't

She couldn't be
Because she wasn't sure
What she would be
If she were to be

She hung above the people
Who would be her parents
And debated saying 'hello' to them
Even though such interaction was forbidden
Until she had formalized the paperwork
And agreed to be born to them

Red tape
Yellow tape
Legal tape
Ticker tape

But no parade
No parade until she decides
That she's ready to be born
That she's ready to accept existence
Into her daily life

But the things she'll miss!

Tea with dead suffragettes
Conversations with Hawaiian queens
Philosophizing about rubber bands
With the man who invented them

Plus, she'd have to be a child
And she'd have to be a child
For a very long time

Quite possibly, her whole life

But she would have toes
And hands
And warmth
And a laugh

She'd love a laugh
To laugh with

Right now all she had show joy
Was wind, moving air

She'd run past wind chimes
And her possible-mother would look up
And feel happy for some reason

It's because I'm laughing, Mama
She thought

You just don't know that's what it is yet

She hoped that they'd give her a nice name
Not name her after her possible-father's mother
Whose name was Melona

What sort of name was that anyway?

The dilemma was that
As long as she ceased to exist
She was perfectly safe

And, to some degree
Content

She could observe everything

And when she thought about coming alive
She could float by something

Something painful
And remember why she was still
Waiting

Waiting to pick the perfect time
To come down