When Dork Became a Sexy Word

Sweetie, you'll never believe this
But there will come a day
Trust me on this--

When dork becomes a sexy word

Right now, you want that mysterious
Cool, hard-to-name something

When you're young
Everything without a name
Is attractive

When you get older
You get tired
You find it tiresome
To have to constantly search
For a thing's name

You want people to wear who they are
Like a name tag on their shirt

You begin to appreciate simplicity
You begin to appreciate a lot of things

I know right now
You look at your father
And me
And you think we're just
The least cool people in the world
But what you don't know
Is that I thought the same thing about my mother
And now--

And if you tell her this
I'll kill you

She seems like
The coolest person
In the world

And my Dad
Was a giant dork
Model trains in the basement
And everything

And I swore
I would never marry anybody
As lame as he was

When I got older
After dating every degenerate
And paroled felon
In the tri-state area
I realized that there's something to be said
For a man who enjoys the precision of model trains
And who spends his nights at home
With his family

That's not the coolest thing in the world
But it makes for a good marriage
And a good man

And an ungrateful child
Who, luckily
Smartened up just in time

One day you'll smarten up too
But until then--

And don't tell anyone
I ever told you this
Because I'll deny it
And disown you as well

Until you get smart
Enjoy being dumb

The dorks will be waiting
When you're ready for them