About Our Engagement

Hello Everyone!

First off, I want to thank you all sooooooo much for all the well wishes David and I have received since David proposed to me on Saturday afternoon.

If you notice, in the photos, you don't see me accepting David's proposal.  Mostly I'm just staring at him with one wide eye while my other eye adds up all the cameras that are on us at that moment.  Needless to say, the proposal, though welcome in spirit, was a bit of surprise and, well, a letdown in execution.

Now, I don't want to give any of you the wrong idea.  I love David very much, and I want to marry him more than anything in the world.  Those of you who have known the two of us for years know that I've dropped hints on more than one occasion to David about wanting him to propose with little-to-no success, even after friend-after-friend got engaged, then married, then had children, and here I was, like a little old lady in a rocking chair, just waiting to die with nothing on my fingers but liver spots.

Frankly, I'd just about given up on this lovely man o' mine popping the question, and then there we are on a Saturday afternoon at my sister's son's third birthday party when who should get down on one knee but David.

At first, I thought he was just going to tie the shoelaces of one of the many, many children that were running around screaming and flinging Cheeze-It's at each other.  It would never have occurred to me that David would find that particular moment suitable for a proposal of all things.

Forget the rather hectic environment, and the fact that it's rather rude to use a party for someone else--even when that someone else is a three-year-old--to forward your own agenda.  Let's talk about some of the more, shall we say, subtle problems with David's ill-conceived-though-well-intentioned faux pas.

For one thing, Linda, the last of my single girlfriends, had just gotten engaged two days before.  Then the next day, my gay best friend Oliver got engaged.  Then, later that night, my cousin Sandra got engaged.  And finally, the morning of the party, two different high school friends posted photos on Facebook announcing their engagement.

That means my engagement would have been the sixth--and presumably last--engagement in a matter of days.  Not to mention the fact that Linda got engaged in Italy, Sandra's fiance proposed at Manhattan's finest rooftop restaurant, both of my high school friends were proposed to on the beach, and Oliver's boyfriend--clearly needing to outdo all of them--parachuted out of a plane that was skywriting 'Will you marry me?'  Those gays and their showmanship, am I right?

Now, I am nothing but thrilled for all of those wonderful people, but as you can imagine, I didn't see myself being the weak link in that chain of joy and happiness.  All those wonderful proposals, and here was David, asking me to share my life with him while standing next to a clown named Scooter.

I also have very little interest in being thrown into a group simply because of time proximity.  I don't feel like I should have to share the attention that an isolated engagement would bring, and instead, be forced to share all those good wishes and congratulatory messages the way a lottery winner might have to share their cash prize.

Honestly, can you blame me?  After all, there are things one doesn't mind sharing, and there are things one does mind sharing:  Attention, money, toothbrushes--all things that one should try to keep to themselves.

On top of David not realizing that I wouldn't want to have my big moment and all its glory divvied up like the stale pizza that was sitting on my sister's table at the birthday party, I certainly would not have announced our engagement on Facebook on a Saturday afternoon, when studies have shown that virtually nobody is online.  As I'm sure many of you noticed, or maybe you didn't, because if you had, more of you would have responded--the news of our engagement only got 112 Likes.

112.

I mentioned this to David and he said that was quote--'Just wonderful.'

Friends, I love David dearly, but let it never be said that I believe I'm marrying the pointiest rod on the weather vane.

'David, darling,' I said, '112 is nothing.  I get 112 Likes for sharing a photo of a kitten dressed up like Vladimir Putin.  You honestly think that I'm going to let my engagement announcement bottom out at 112?'

I told him that he should have proposed privately, at a more romantic locale, and then we should have waited to post anything about it until Tuesday morning around 11am, when we'd be certain to get maximum social media exposure.

But a Saturday afternoon?

Friends and family, if a tree gets engaged in a forest, is it even worth posting about?

A Saturday afternoon is the forest of social media, and I, friends, I was that tree.

So, after much discussion with David, who I love, more than anything, we've decided to rescind our engagement for the time being, and re-engage at a later date, after all the hubbub about the other engagements has passed, and to better take advantage of technology's potential where wishing others well is concerned.

You're all still free to Like the first engagement announcement and comment, of course, but just be aware that there will be another one, and you will be expected to Like and comment on that one as well.  The only reason some of you didn't receive nasty messages from me this weekend was because I assume you didn't see the first announcement, and so I'm letting you off the hook, but be assured, that will not happen the second time around.

Than you all so much for your kind words and the kind words I'm sure you'll be saying in the future once we correct this little snafu.

Oh, and as for the ring--Don't worry.

David and I are going shopping right now.