Saturday, January 24, 2015

Sex with a Dying Man

You don’t think about him dying

You don’t think about…that thing

The disease
The thing inside him
That isn’t him
But that’s a part of him nonetheless

An unwanted visitor
A ghost alive in a living body
A voyeur
Watching you
Take off your clothes

It’s with us now, you think
The sickness
It’s like a third person
We feel…watched

He touches you
And you think
Is this part of him clean?

His hands
His fingers
The tips of his fingers
His…

Is this part sick?
Is this part damaged?
Is this part something
I should be careful with?

You go gently
But he goes rough
As if he’s trying to prove something
As if he wants to demonstrate his strength
To show you that there’s nothing to be afraid of
And you think…

Well, this is silly, but…

You think of pregnant women

How sex with them is fine
It’s more than fine, right?
It’s healthy or something?
But you feel…weird
You feel so weird…doing it

Your sister told you that she and her husband
Never have sex when she’s pregnant
From the moment they find out
Until a month after the baby arrives
No
Sex

And you think—

Well, first you think:

You’re my sister
Why are you telling me this?

And secondly, you think—

That seems about right

Sex is this thing between two people
Not two people and a baby

Not two people and a terminal illness
Laying in bed with us
Mocking our actions
Saying ‘Should you really be doing this?
One of you is going to get hurt’

You try not to cry after it’s over
But you can’t help yourself

You have just engaged in a celebration of life
With someone who is having life pulled from them
So much faster than those around them

You imagine bits and pieces of this man
Rotting away like fruit left on a vine
And falling to the ground

A leg, an arm, an ear

This image makes you smile
But then it repulses you
And you turn away
Tears still locked in the corners of your eyes

The man you’re with touches you
He touches your shoulder
And asks if you’re all right

Am I all right, you think
You’re asking me if I’m…

It’s harder to be him than it is to be you
And yet, in some ways, it’s easier
You think, you hope, you assume

Sex is best when it’s just sex

People tell you it’s better with love
Or intimacy
Or marriage
Or danger
Or toys
Or role-playing
Or new
Or old

But the truth is, when it’s just sex
It’s so wonderful

Because when you begin putting things on top of it
It begins to buckle

When you put death on top of it
Dying
Sex…

Begins to crumble
Under the weight of it

And nothing weighs more than death

You pull the blankets up to your chin
Suddenly cold
Suddenly very aware
Of how naked you are

The man you’re with
The dying man
He traces an invisible line
Down your arm
With just one finger

A clean finger?
A healthy finger?
A pure finger?

…Who knows?

And he says ‘Thank you’

You say ‘Don’t thank me, I don’t—‘

But he stops you
With that finger
On your lips

‘Thank you’

And it’s just enough

Enough to do what, you’re not sure
But…

It’s enough

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