Bravado

Josiah will tell off the customer

He will tell the customer
That he doesn't get paid enough
To deal with rude people
With rude women
Who clearly are not having sex with their husbands
And that is why
They are
So rude

Josiah will stop looking at the shoes
On the woman's feet
The woman's fat feet
That cannot possibly fit
Into these teeny, tiny shoes
And!--even if they could
The heel on the shoe would break
As soon as the woman stood up in them
And tried to walk around

Then, no doubt, the woman would blame
The shoddy workmanship of the shoes
Or the store for selling such shoddy shoes
Or maybe even Josiah for being a bad shoe store employee
For selling shoddy shoes to sophisticated women
Such as herself

Josiah thought of the Cinderella story
The real Cinderella story
The Grimm original
Where the evil stepsisters have their feet cut up and mangled
By their mother, the evil stepmother,
In an effort to get their feet into the glass slipper
So they could marry the prince

Josiah wonders if this woman would cut up her feet
To get into a shoe
That would promise her wealth and happiness forever
If not love

Clearly it's important to this woman
That this particular shoe fits

Josiah has offered to get her the shoe in a larger size
Even though it's doubtful that a larger size would help
The largest size would probably still be too small
The fact of the matter is that this woman's feet are bigger
Than any other pair of feet that Josiah has ever seen
Since being an employee of Bravado Shoes

A struggle is ensuing
Between the woman and the shoe

Josiah was the enemy
But now the woman has decided that Josiah is merely an obstacle
In a journey that will end with her foot
In this shoe

She's pushing
She's thrusting
She's wiggling

The woman's face is red
She's starting to sweat
But she will not
Pull out
Her foot

Josiah finds that against his initial wishes
He is now rooting for the woman

What choice does he have?

He can't root for the shoe, after all
It's an object
And even though the woman is unpleasant
And rude
And has already sworn twice at Josiah
And the second bit of profanity was race-related
Josiah is still a living organism
As if the Unpleasant Woman
And the shoe is not

The shoe doesn't care about the Unpleasant Woman
Or Josiah

And so he finds himself helping the woman
Knowing full well there simply isn't enough room in the shoe
For the foot of the Unpleasant Woman

He takes on the role of the Evil Stepmother
Putting some oomph behind the shoe
While the Unpleasant Woman
Moans and pants and grunts
Grunts in a way that is much more than unpleasant
That is guttural, primal--a grunt that comes from the basest part of her person

Josiah wonders if there is a knife in the back
He wonders if he could cut this woman's foot up
If she would let him
If he could convince her that it's for the best
That it'll make her happier
Better--a better person
If she can just get her foot in this shoe
And stand up in it
And walk out of that store
Feeling like a new, much more pleasant woman

Josiah and the Unpleasant Woman join together
Setting aside their unspoken differences
To wage war against this shoe

And there is a point
A real, almost tangible point
When the shoe
This object
This thing
Becomes...alive

It knows it's being challenged
By this boy it sees everyday
While hanging on the wall
Knowing full well no woman
Will ever have a foot small enough
To fit in it

And this Unpleasant Woman
With enough hubris to think
She can bend this shoe to her own whims and desires

Josiah and the Unpleasant Woman fight
And the Shoe fights back

This only goes on for a minute or so
But in the grand scheme of the Universe
It is a momentous thing

It is a defining struggle in the history of all that is
And all that will ever be
When this inanimate article of clothing
Came into being
Simply so it could challenge
Two mere humans
Who thought they could change
What this thing was

A unwearably small shoe
Into a bigger, comfortable shoe

But then...

The foot goes in

Perhaps Josiah gives a little more oomph
Perhaps the Unpleasant Woman pushes just a little bit harder
Perhaps the Shoe gives up the fight because ultimately it shouldn't be fighting anyway
But either way
The foot
Goes
In

And Josiah sits back
Falls back, actually
Out of breath
And beyond thrilled
Ecstatic
In ecstasy
Euphoric
Hallelujah!

And the Unpleasant Woman looks down at her foot
At the foot now firmly planted in the shoe
That is now, once again
Just a shoe

And she looks at Josiah
With a blank expression
And then back at the shoe
And then back at him
And she says--

'Do you have it black?'

And Josiah closes his eyes
And birds appear
Birds and birds and birds

They fly into the store
Smashing through the glass
And head right for the Unpleasant Woman
And her two beady little eyes

The birds peck them out
Peck, peck, peck

And as they do
Josiah looks around
At the shoes on the shelves
On display
All along the walls
Just like the shoe on the Unpleasant Woman's foot was
Before Josiah and the Unpleasant Woman
Took it down
And declared war on it

And Josiah sees the shoes
All the shoes, every one

He actually sees them

Grow smaller, and smaller
And smaller