The Robots Teach You to Dance

The robots teach you to dance

They come once a week

And take you out on the floor

And go over your steps

And if you forget the steps they taught you last time

They teach you them again

And because they’re robots

They’re very patient

And they never get frustrated with you

Even when you step on their toes

Because obviously it doesn’t hurt them

Because, you know, they’re robots

And it’s lovely because you don’t feel embarrassed

Not at all!

Because they’re not people

They’re robots

And so you feel totally, uh, totally—un-self-conscious

You know?

--About the whole thing

Which is exactly how you should feel

When you’re trying to learn how to dance

There’s this one robot

Now, uh, none of them have names

But, uh, well, everybody who takes the courses

The lessons, rather, we give them names

Even though we’re not really supposed to

Because it just makes easier, for, you know

Conversational purposes, later on

When you’re discussing with your friends

Or, uh, the other people in the class

About which robot taught you what

So there’s this one robot named Marcus

That, uh, that I’ve named Marcus

Because he mainly teaches me

And he is just—Well, he is very patient with me

And I am—Haha—not a quick learner

But he just goes over things with me

Time and again, and speaks very tenderly to me

In this monotone voice that I imagine he has

Because he’s a robot

Although I do think they should give him

A more human voice

Because he does have this rather kind human face

That sort of looks British

I mean, they make these robots in Taiwan

But the robot—Marcus—he looks British

Sort of British anyway

But his voice is just very—

(Robotic)

--Step left, move right

And it makes it very…

Well, there is an intimate side to dancing

That, uh, you have to embrace in order to do it correctly

And so you sort of have to be willing to

Uh, fall in love with the person you’re, you know, dancing with

And so, even though Marcus is a robot

I found myself, uh, thinking about him

--Only while we were dancing you understand, but, uh—

--I found myself…thinking about him in…a certain sort of way

And not a bad sort of way either

At least, I don’t think so

But I’m sure others…

…Would have opinions

Well, anyway, we dance, Marcus and I

And when we do, I…look at him

I look very closely at him

And we touch

And his touch is cold

And mine is warm

And no matter how warm mine is

His…remains cold

And so it becomes something for me to do

While we dance

It takes my mind off the dancing

Which is important—when you’re dancing

The whole—self-consciousness thing

It’s better to think of other things

And so I think about warming up Marcus

I think about…

Oh God, it’s crazy, but…

In my mind, I pretend I’m the Blue Fairy

And he’s Pinocchio

And I…

If I do it properly

If I dance the dance correctly

Then…

He’ll become real

He’ll become…

This is going to sound crazy, but…

He looks like my husband

A little bit, maybe not a lot, but…

A little bit

And so I find myself

Whispering to him

While we dance

I find myself saying…

‘Marcus, is it you?’

My husband’s name was Marcus too

And he was also sort of British

And he was a very good dancer

I whisper to the robot, to Marcus

And he doesn’t say anything

Except for the usual—

--Step left, move right

And we keep dancing

And I keep stepping on his toes

But I keep thinking

One day I’ll get the steps right

And I’ll dance the dance perfectly

And the music will stop

And I’ll look at Marcus

And there he’ll be