Ricky Takes the Marshmallow Test

So you’re telling me

If I don’t eat the marshmallow

Right now

Then in fifteen minutes

You’ll give me another marshmallow?

Okay, but…

How do I know

I can trust you?

I trust very few grown-ups

The list is--

My Mom

My Dad

My Grandma

My Teacher...from Last Year

End of list

I just met you

I don’t know

That when you come back

You won’t just

Tell me

That you checked

In the back

And couldn’t find

Another marshmallow

And--

Oh, by the way

Now the marshmallow

I gave you

Has gone stale

I can’t take that chance

Besides, if you leave

And you come back

And the marshmallow is gone

How do you know

That I’m the one
Who ate it?

I’m not saying

It will be me

But I’m saying

You won’t have any way

Of proving

That somebody else

Didn’t come into the room

Take the marshmallow

And abscond with it

Then, if you come back

And tell me

That there isn’t

A marshmallow in whichever room

You keep the marshmallows in

Then I’ve lost out twice

And been the victim

Of a marshmallow-napping

Imagine if you were responsible

For inflicting that trauma

Onto a poor, innocent child

Who only came here

In the interest of helping science

And receiving a minor stipend

In the form of a gooey marshmallow

If I’m being honest

This marshmallow doesn’t even look

All that fresh

But I was willing

To keep that judgment to myself

Since I know these kinds of experiments

Aren’t funded the way they should be

Because our government

Doesn’t value unraveling

The mysteries of the mind

But for you to ask me

To sit here for fifteen minutes

Just to learn a thing or two

About delayed gratification

Is an affront to me, Dr. Sir

That you would even assume

I have fifteen minutes to waste

Just because I’m a young lad of seven

Is an insult to youth everywhere

Do you think I don’t have

Things to play with
And television to watch

And weird stuff to put up my nose?

This entire experiment

Has already produced lackluster results

As far as I’m concerned

And I think you should shut

This entire lab down

And try swapping out marshmallows

For money the next time around

If you tell me

Not to pocket a hundred dollars

Because in fifteen minutes

I’ll get two hundred dollars

I will happily wait

Because while I still won’t trust you

If someone tries taking the hundred from me

Or you come back without the two hundred I was promised

I have a few uncles

Who could guarantee

That I get what was assured to me

I’ll take this marshmallow

And I can come back

In a few months

When you’ve gotten yourself together

But I would recommend upping your game next time

Because even the juice boxes

In the waiting room

Were all orange

With no fruit punch option

I expected more, Dr. Sir

I really expected more