(A game show.)
TRACY: Welcome to Rhode Island's favorite game show--What Used to Be There? A show all about where things used to be here in the Ocean State. Playing today are Maureen.
MAUREEN: Hi Tracy. You look just like my friend Marie's sister. Do you know Marie?
TRACY: I do not. And Lucille.
LUCILLE: It's freezing in here. You got the air on?
TRACY: The air broke a week ago. It's eighty degrees in the studio.
LUCILLE: I should have brought my shawl.
TRACY: Are you two ready to play the game?
MAUREEN/LUCILLE: Sure. What else do I have going on?/How am I supposed to think when it's so cold in here?
TRACY: Great! First question--Maureen, there's a new Verizon store opening on Post Road in Warwick. What used to be there?
MAUREEN: That was where my cousin Louie met his first wife.
TRACY: But what was the name of the store?
MAUREEN: It was the place where you would buy the thing.
TRACY: We need you to be more specific.
MAURREN: The thing. You'd get the thing and you'd put it behind the thing, and you'd have a thing.
LUCILLE: It was the place where you'd get the hair extensions.
MAUREEN: Betty's Hair and Tattoo Parlor!
TRACY: That is correct!
LUCILLE: My ex-husband got my name on his arm there.
MAUREEN: Who's your ex-husband?
LUCILLE: Joe Silverman.
MAUREEN: I went to school with Bonnie Silverman.
LUCILLE: You're kidding.
MAUREEN: Bonnie, Tony, Franny--all of them.
LUCILLE: I gotta tell Joe when I see him.
MAUREEN: How's he doing?
LUCILLE: We got divorced in '87 and I haven't talked to him since.
MAUREEN: Ohhhhhh.
LUCILLE: But if I see him, I'll tell him I saw--
MAUREEN: Maureen Flaherty.
LUCILLE: Maureen Flaherty. Like the Flaherty's from Mount Pleasant?
MAUREEN: Yeah!
LUCILLE: Oh my god. You must know my cousin Cindy!
TRACY: Ladies, please! Let's focus.
MAUREEN: Can't even have a conversation.
LUCILLE: Geez.
TRACY: Can you tell me what used to be where the hookah bar is on Mineral Spring Avenue?
MAUREEN: Hookah? Did she say hookah?
LUCILLE: Like a whoo-ah?
MAUREEN: Is that what she said?
LUCILLE: She doesn't want me talking about my cousin Cindy, and then she says 'whoo-ah.'
TRACY: Hookah, ladies, hookah.
MAUREEN: Hoo-ah! Like Pacino. You see that movie?
LUCILLE: He was so good.
MAUREEN: I'm the Godfather! Hoo-ah!
TRACY: No, that's the wrong movie.
LUCILLE: What am I? Siskel?
MAUREEN: Ebert.
LUCILLE: Ebert. Which one's dead?
MAUREEN: They're both dead.
LUCILLE: So young.
MAUREEN: Too young. All the good ones?
LUCILLE/MAUREEN: Dead.
TRACY: Can you tell me what used to be where the--
MAUREEN: That's where Lil Vicky's Deli Shop was. I used to love it there. She made an Italian grinder like nothing you've ever had in your life.
LUCILLE: What ever happened to her?
MAUREEN: To who?
LUCILLE: Lil Vicky.
MAUREEN: She went out of business in 1991.
LUCILLE: You know whose fault that is?
MAUREEN/LUCILLE: Gina's.
TRACY: Ladies, please, we're almost out of time--
MAUREN: You can't even run a VCR repair shop in Rhode Island anymore. What they've done to this state is a sin.
LUCILLE: Can't even find someone to fix a cassette player.
MAUREEN: You know who I feel bad for?
LUCILLE/MAUREEN: The kids.
TRACY: Okay, ladies, last question--
LUCILLE: Now, I'm sweating. I was cold, now I'm sweating.
MAUREEN: Anybody hear that bell? I keep hearing a bell.
LUCILLE: There were all these ambulances down by the Stop 'n Shop.
MAUREEN: What was that about?
LUCILLE: I don't know. There was nothing on the news.
MAUREEN: Ambulances at a Stop 'n Shop and it doesn't even make the news?
LUCILLE: That's how it is.
MAUREEN: That's how it is.
TRACY: Name one store that used to be at Midland Mall.
LUCILLE: There was a KB Toys.
MAUREEN: No, that was at Swansea.
LUCILLE: Was it?
MAUREEN: It was.
LUCILLE: You know who worked at KB Toys?
MAUREEN: Who?
LUCILLE: My cousin Cindy.
MAUREEN: How's Cindy doing?
TRACY: Well, I think that about wraps it up.
LUCILLE: She's got that thing on her back. Won't get it looked at. I don't know what to tell her.
MAUREEN: Listen, it's her life.
TRACY: We'll see you next time--
LUCILLE: I mind my business, that's what I do.
TRACY: --Or maybe we won't. Good night, everybody!
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