A Temporary Place

They all show up
Where everybody used to live

The little blue house
By the Bay State sign
And the carpet cleaning place
On Mt. Towne

Sheila wakes up
To find them on the front lawn

Sitting around
On their fold-out chairs
Barbecuing
Telling stories
Trying to sell cheap earrings

'What the hell is this?'

It's nostalgia, Sheila
It's a powerful thing

'Jesus Christ,' she says, 'Who are these people?'

The couple on the lawn
With the sunglasses on
Raised two kids in your house
Before his business went big
And then they bought a place
On the East Side

The kids grew up
One of them right
One of them wrong
And every three years
They redecorate the East Side place
Trying to make it feel
Like somewhere they're happy to be

And she misses the little blue house
Even if it was in a bad neighborhood
And he misses it
Even if it was a money pit
And they miss hearing the kids
Go in and out of the crawlspace
Despite being told not to
While the couple was downstairs
Trying to patch up a hole in the wall

The guy grilling burgers
Built the second floor
With his dad
When he was sixteen

They spent a whole summer
Tearing the place up
Then putting it back together
His Mom had run off
With some guy from town
And when they put the lock
On the bathroom upstairs
His dad went to lie down
And never got back up

He left the little blue house
And went to live with his ant
Who was pretty cool, you know
But still, but still

That was when the couple moved in

And after them
The girl selling cheap earrings
Moved in with her boyfriend
And he used to knock her around
In places that wouldn't bruise

She started making these tacky earrings
Just for fun
Until her friends started buying them

Then one day she had enough money
And took off
Leaving the asshole behind
In the little blue house

She doesn't miss him
But she does miss the comforting way
The kitchen would hum
After he'd leave her lying on the floor

You can't blame a house
For the people inside of it
And part of her always wanted to move back
Even though now she lives in Chicago
In a high-rise
With a guy who'd jump from the roof
Before he'd touch her like that

Her ex-boyfriend isn't here
And she knew he wouldn't be

After she left, he picked a fight
With somebody who fought back
And when his head hit the curb
She woke up from a deep sleep in Chicago
And outside it started to rain

That was when she knew she could go back
To the house on Mt. Towne

She's selling her earrings
To the other people on the lawn

People who rented the house
And the people they rented it from

Kids, grandkids, vets, mothers, accountants
Students, teachers, drinkers, construction workers
Bass players, fishermen, Avon ladies, and a guy who bakes bread

All sitting together in front of the house
All talking about the walls
Because the walls can't, after all

Sheila sits on her front step
And somebody hands her a burger

She thinks about her husband sleeping upstairs
And the baby she hasn't told him about yet
And she worries they'll be stuck by the carpet cleaning place
And the Bay State sign
For the rest of their lives

But seeing the people out on the lawn
Makes her realize that this is a temporary place
And that's what it's supposed to be

She remembers going to visit famous people's houses
When she was in school

Her teacher would take the class
To see where the colonial people lived
And writers and artists
And people that meant something

And all their houses
Were smaller than this

Sheila remembers thinking
That great stuff
Can come out of a two bedroom house
With bad plumbing

Maybe this was that kind of house

A place where you stay for awhile
To remember
That some of the best people in the world
Lived in two-room shacks
And tents
And a suitcase

She folds her arms across her stomach
While earrings get put in her ear
By a very nice woman
Who smiles like a warm bath

'Hey babe, you okay?'

She turns around to see him
Leaning against the doorway
With his muscle shirt sagging over his sweatpants
Scruff coming in even though he shaved yesterday

He rubs her back on bad days
And when she started feeling morning sicknes
She told him it was just a virus
And he sat by her bed like an old dog
Ears to the floor, and all

'We're gonna have a baby' she says

He sits down on the step next to her
And looks at an empty lawn

Two cars drive by
One blaring music
Disregarding the sentiment of the moment

'You happy,' he asks
'Yeah,' she says, 'You?'
'We're gonna have a baby,' he says

She turns and sees his head shaking
While he closes his eyes tight
So he won't start to cry

She puts her arm around his shoulder
And he starts to laugh
And clap his hands
Like he's applauding the news itself

Then he turns to her and says--

'Should we move?'

And she says--

'Nah, I think we're okay for now.'

He gives her a kiss on the side of her head
Then on her lips
Then he whoops
Like he just caught the biggest fish of his life

Then he looks at her and says--

'Where'd you get those earrings?'

And she smiles and says--

'You don't need to know everything.'

Drunk Food

We're eating mac and cheese
And sliders off a toaster oven
Cookie dough, even though
The package says it's risky

We eat eight different kinds of Doritos
And a jarful of pickles
One can of black olives
And one jar of green

Someone's making spaghetti
And someone's making scrambled eggs
And it smells like someone's
Trying to make grilled cheese

If there were a cow here
We would milk it
Because somebody forgot to get milk
And now we're eating dried Frosted Flakes
Out of sad dry bowls

Seven of us shoved on a couch
Made for three

And happy
Really happy

We went out for hours
In several small packs
But somehow wound up back
At an apartment
Where none of us actually live

The futon pulls out
And the roof's caving in
And outside there's rain
And the tv plays nothing
But news from two days ago

We all ate lunch and dinner
And then snacks before we left

But now we're starving
Starving at 4am
So we eat drunk food

Food you can't eat
Unless you're smashed

We cashed out the meager resources
Lingering in our wallets

And bought Fritos
And soda
And chips
And dip
And donuts

We reheat old pizza
And past due Chinese food
Some cake somebody found
And three candy bars
From the back of the fridge

Someone holds up mushrooms
But we wave them away

Even we're not that brave
Today

We pass plates around
And forks
And ladles

We're not afraid of spilling germs
Sharing utensils
Even though last month
There was a mono scare
And a stomach bug

We've all kissed
Each other
At least once
Tonight

What's a little food going to hurt?

The last thing each of us remembers
Is falling asleep on the other
Feeling full
On drunken food
Lying next to drunken friends

Glad we spent tonight
Making all the mistakes that we made
And wondering when
We can do it again

The Minotaur Calls Out Sick

Hi...is...is the King Minos there?

Sure

Hi King Minos, how are you?

Uh, well
To be honest
I'm feeling a little under the weather

Uh, I don't know
Throat's kinda sore
Horns are kinda tender
Probably just a cold
You know?

So, I don't think I'm going down to the maze today

Yeah, I know, I know
Big day today
With that, uh, what's his name?

Theseus, right

Listen, have you heard anything about him?

Because I was talking to my cousin Phil
And he says this guy might be the real deal

Well, that's what he--

Look, what if we just fed him to lions or something?

I'm just kinda tired
And I'm not feelin' well
And that maze is a real killer
If you're not up to the--

Well, what about seeing if Jake can do it?

I know he hasn't grown the horns yet
But he has the growling down?

Yeah, yeah, I see what you mean

Well, what if I did just half a day?

Like, what if we put him in the maze around one
And then he'll have already eaten lunch
So he'll move a little slower and--

Right, yeah, gotcha

Okay, well
I guess I can come in
I was just worried about you
Catching what I have and--

Oh, it's nothing too serious
You just grow a snout
And your testicles grow to the size of--

Ohhhh you sure?

Thanks so much

I should be fine by tomorrow

...Or however long it takes
For Theseus to die of starvation

Have a great day, boss!

He Can Sing to Me

Leave the boy alone
He can sing to me

Let him touch the mic
Let him loosen his tie
Let him lick his lips
He can sing to me

Let him write lyrics on dirty napkins
Let him hum to himself in the bathroom stall
Let him knock a few back
He can sing to me

Tell him he's good, but they're hoping for a legend
Tell him he's good, but he needs to open his eyes
Tell him he's good, but he doesn't know it
He can sing to me

Get him a suit
That actually fits

Get him a spot
Early on in the night

Get him an attitude
Then teach him how to use it

And if you can't get him
Get out of my way

He can sing to me

Georgia and the Green Chair

Georgia, if you want the green chair

I'll get you the green chair

I personally don't want to live

In a place

With a green chair

But I do rather enjoy

Living somewhere with you

So I will suffer a green chair

If you want a green chair

I would like to point out

That the green chair

Costs a month's worth of rent

I would also like to point out

That the green chair

Is not comfortable

Nor aesthetically interesting in any way

Aside from the fact that it's the color

Of gangrene

I would, lastly

Like to point out

That we have yet to buy any other piece of furniture

For our apartment

And if we start with a green chair

I fear for the rest of our journey together

As furniture-buyers

But I love you

Very much

So if you like it

We'll get it

Because if you're sitting in it

Then chances are

I'll find it much more appealing

Now, let's talk about that flatscreen

I find so delightful

And We Don't Need Your Money

She says you won't pay for the wedding, Mr. Turner

And I don't blame you
Cause I'm a mutt
With dirty hands or whatever
And you think your daughter should have a king
And I don't disagree with you

The thing is, Mr. Turner
She disagrees

She loves me
And I ain't about to tell that girl
Who she should love

I may be stupid
But I'm not stupid enough
To turn her down
If she wants to love me

Now, we're gonna get married
And we'd love for you to be there
And to give us your blessing

But if you don't give your blessing
And you don't come
Then we're still gonna get married
And we're still gonna cut the cake
And do the chicken dance and all that
But your daughter's gonna have a broken heart

Because you're her whole world, Mr. Turner

Me?  I'm just the guy she wants to boss around
For the rest of her life

I don't need you to like me
And we don't need your money

I get by okay with my job
Landscaping
Believe it or not

But I want to tell your daughter that you paid for the wedding
And I want you to show up and walk her down the aisle and dance with her like you should
Because I don't know how many good days are ahead

Life's tough even when you're with the one you love
I know that, and I bet you do too

So I want to give her one day
Where she has everything she wants

And what she really wants
Is her Dad to be there
When she gets married

So you can keep your money
But can we have you there?

Maybe I'm no king, Mr. Turner
But that girl
That girl of yours

She makes me feel like one
She really does
And that's the truth

That's the God's honest truth

But She's Not Your Mother

"So?"

"So...?"

"How did it--"

"It went well."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"That's great!"

"Yeah, it was--"

"What?"

"Nothing, it was--"

"It was what?"

"Kid, it was fine.  It was all fine.  She was fine."

"She was fine?"

"Yeah."

"Oh God."

"What?"

"That's not good.  Fine is not good."

"Fine is fine."

"Fine is fine, but fine is not good."

"She was delightful.  She was lovely.  She was effervescent."

"So you had a bad time?"

"I had a wonderful time.  It was fine."

"It was a disaster."

"Who said 'disaster?'"

"What was wrong with her?"

"Nothing was wrong with her."

"Obviously something was wrong with her.  She was fine."

"The thing is..."

"...The thing is?"

"Don't you have homework?"

"This is my homework.  I'm doing a science project on the dating lives of widowers.  What's the thing?"

"The thing is--she's not, you know--"

"Smart?  Funny?  Hot?"

"Your mother."

. . . . .

"Oh."

"But she's nice."

"Yeah."

"Really nice."

"Yeah."

"But she's not your mother."

"Oh."

"Your mother was..."

"Yeah."

"So it's..."

"Hard?"

"Yeah."

"Well...I know."

"But it was fine, you know?  It was fun.  It was a fun, fine date."

"Well, I'm glad you had fun."

"I did."

"Good."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

. . . . .

"I thought--"

"Yeah?"

"I thought it would be nice.  To...set you up.  And Sarah's nice.  She's a nice girl.  And her Mom seemed nice, so--"

"Hey, kid, you don't have to--I mean, thank you, but you don't have to."

"I know, it's just...you seem...sad.  And I wanted to, I don't know, cheer you up, I guess."

"You did.  But I mean, you don't have to.  You and me, we're great.  I mean, we're okay, right?"

"Yeah, but--"

"But what?"

"Is it enough?  I mean, it's been awhile.  And, I'm not getting any younger you know.  One day I'm going to be in college, and then married, and then divorced, and then married again--"

"I'm only paying for one of those weddings."

"--And I just want you to have someone for when I'm not here anymore."

. . . . .

"You realize you're making me feel incredibly old."

"Dad, you have to think about the future."

"Yes, I will need someone here to discuss your third divorce with."

"You don't want to fall in love again?"

"Kid, I love you.  And I loved your mom.  And I loved Shelly Henderson in eighth grade."

"What happened to her?"

"She married a tattoo artist and now she looks like a road map of Toon Town."

"Seriously?"

"The point is--"

"Because that's pretty cool."

"The point is I've loved two wonderful woman and one kook in my life.  If that's all I get, I'm okay with that."

"Really?"

"Really.  Now go pick another science project.  Do something on swamps.  Those are always the ones that win."

"Okay."

. . . . .

"By the way, I'm going out with her again next week."

"You are?"

"Yeah.  We're taking you and Sarah to the movies."

"What about her not being Mom?"

"Well..."

"I guess you can't hold that against her, right?"

"You took the words right out of my mouth."