Now You Like It

     (JOHN and JANE are sitting with their mothers, JEANNIE and JOANNE.)

JOHN:  Now, Mom, when we said that you and Joanne could help plan the wedding, we thought we made it clear that you could have input but not influence.

JEANNIE:  What the hell does that mean?

JANE:  It just means that we found out you've been interacting with the wedding planner a little more than we would like.

JOANNE:  Is that the girl with the bangs?

JANE:  That's Lindsey, yes.

JOANNE:  Those bangs--oof.

JOHN:  Lindsey told us that you wanted to switch caterers?

JEANNIE:  The woman wanted to serve shrimp cocktail.

JANE:  Is that...Is that bad?

JEANNIE:  John hates shrimp cocktail.

JOHN:  No, I don't.

JEANNIE:  You hate shrimp cocktail.  You've never liked it.

JOHN:  What are you talking about?

JEANNIE:  When you were a kid, I couldn't get you to eat shrimp cocktail.

JOHN:  What kid eats shrimp cocktail?

JEANNIE:  Because they don't like it.

JOHN:  But I like it now.

JEANNIE:  Oh, now you like it!

JANE:  Jeannie, people change, you know, that does happen.

JOANNE:  Like how you changed, you mean?

JANE:  Mom, what are you talking about?

JOANNE:  All the flowers for the wedding.  You're using lilies.

JANE:  I love lilies.

JOANNE:  You used to hate lilies.

JANE:  When?

JOANNE:  When you were going to prom, that nice boy who took you brought you lilies and you were so upset.

JANE:  Well nobody wants lilies for prom.

JOANNE:  Your father brought me lilies when he took me to prom. Why do you think I told that nice boy who brought you--who's still single by the way, you know, just in case this doesn't work out--that you'd LOVE lilies.

JANE:  I--okay, um--I am having lilies now. And I had to call the florist and tell her that, because you told her to switch it to white roses.

JOANNE:  You love white roses.

JANE/JOHN:  No, I don't./No, she doesn't.

JOANNE:  You always had white roses in your hair when you were younger.

JANE:  That was Jessica.

JEANNIE:  Jessica?

JANE:  My sister.

JEANNIE:  Ooooh.

JOANNE:  No!  Jessica liked red roses. You liked the white roses.

JANE:  Not true.

JEANNIE:  John's brother James liked spaghetti, but not John.

JOHN:  James hates spaghetti.

JEANNIE:  He loves it!

JOHN:  No, he doesn't.

JEANNIE:  So you're saying you like it?

JOHN:  No, I don't like it either.

JEANNIE:  THEN WHO THE HELL LIKES SPAGHETTI?

JANE:  I like spaghetti.

JOANNE:  No, you don't.

JOHN:  Can you two please just take a step back while we put all this together?

JEANNIE:  We want us to take a step back, we'll take a step back.

JOANNE:  No skin off my tucchus.

JANE:  Thank you.  You can just come enjoy the wedding.  That's all we want anyway.

JOHN:  The whole point is to keep things simple.

JOANNE:  You used to hate keeping things simple.

JANE:  That was Jessica.

JOANNE:  Jessica didn't like simple things.  Jessica liked big parties and limousines like a movie star.

JANE:  You're thinking of Elizabeth Taylor.

JOANNE:  I am--Oh you know what?  I am thinking of Elizabeth Taylor.

JOHN:  You confuse your daughter with Elizabeth Tay--

JANE:  John, don't bother.

JEANNIE:  So it's going to be simple?

JANE:  Yes, that's why we're not doing it in a chur....um.

JEANNIE:  What were you about to say?

JANE:  Nothing.

JOANNE:  Did you say you're not getting married in a church?

JOHN:  We're just--neither one of us is...very...religious.

JEANNIE/JOANNE:  Since when?/WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?

JANE:  We want the wedding to be secular.

JOANNE:  You mean with the witches and the sacrifices?

JANE:  Not pagan, just not religious.

JOANNE:  That's the same thing!

JOHN:  It's going to be so nice outside, Mom.

JEANNIE:  You're not going to get married in a church after all those years I sent you to CCD?

JOHN:  I never went to CCD.

JEANNIE:  You loved CCD.

JOHN:  Mom, I never went.

JEANNIE:  THEN WHO THE HELL WAS I SENDING TO CCD ALL THOSE YEARS?

JANE:  I promise you'll both have a very nice time.

JOANNE:  Or I'll drop dead.  Not that it matters.

JEANNIE:  I'll drop dead on top of you.  They can climb over us on their way to the altar.

JOHN:  There's not going to be an altar, because it's outside.

JEANNIE:  YOU'RE NOT HAVING AN ALTAR EITHER?

JANE:  We should have just eloped.

JOHN:  No, I would've hated eloping.

JEANNIE:  What are you talking about?  You would love to elope.

JANE:  We have to have them at the wedding, right?

JOHN:  Maybe they can go to Jessica's wedding and we'll just tell them it was ours.

JOANNE:  Jessica's already married.

JANE:  No, she's not.

JOANNE:  Oh.  Then who's married?

JOHN:  Not us if this keeps up.

End of Play