Monday, July 6, 2020

Thanos on a Sunday

WE WILL TAKE THIS PLANET, AND WE WILL--


Wait, what day is it?

Is it a Sunday?

Ohhhhh, okay


Well, uh…


All right


You know what?

We should do this tomorrow


Yeah, I just--


I’m not sure planetary take-over

Is something we want to do

On a Sunday, you know?


Just not really a Sunday activity


I mean, who’s going to notice

You know?

I’m looking out for

The PR of it all

You know what I mean?


You know?

...You know?

The engagement numbers

On a Sunday are just--


They’re not great


If I’m going to wipe out

Mankind

I want to make sure

They’re paying attention

Right?

Right?

Can we do this tomorrow in--


Wait


Ugh, I forgot


I have this thing tomorrow


Yeah, it’s--


It’s just this thing
But, uh--tomorrow


Yeah, I can’t do tomorrow


Tuesday?

Can we destroy Earth

On Tuesday?


Tuesday would be great


I can definitely

Commit to Tuesday


No, I get it

Like, we’re already here

And we’re ready to go

But if you’re going to do something

I just feel like you should

Do it right

You know what I mean?


It’s not like anything changes

If we do it Tuesday


We can just call this

A practice run


Hey!  Don’t knock that car over


We’re talking here, okay?
We’re discussing our options


You can’t just start

Creating mass destruction

Because you’re impatient


You take your cues off me, all right?

And right now

I want my cues

To come on Tuesday


So that’s what we’re doing


Plus, I just got a tan

And now I look really blue

And I like to have

A blue-green mix going on

Not just solid blue

And I know people

Are going to be taking photos

So I want to look presentable

As I’m standing atop

The bodies of mine enemies
You know?

You know?


...You know?


Look, the world will still

Be here in two days

When we’re ready

To destroy it


I’m sorry, okay?


All the days

Just blend together lately


But there are just

Certain things

You can’t do

On a Sunday


...But you know what

You can do on a Sunday?

Brunch


And I gotta tell you

I am starving


Almost eradicating

Half of human existence

Has really

Given me

An appetite

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