What to Do When The Cockatoo Tells You There’s a Murderer in the House

There’s a murderer

In the house

There’s a…

I don’t know if you heard me

But, uh…

There’s a murderer

In the house

...He’s in the house

...In the house

...I’m not kidding

Stop eating breakfast

Stop eating breakfast

Hello?

Are you--

Are you listening to me?

Are you just

Going to keep eating?

Look, I know I’m no

Detective

But I’m also

Looking at a guy

Holding a knife

Trying to hide

Behind the door

To the basement

No, Polly does not

Want a cracker

Polly wants to LIVE

You think he won’t

Kill the pet cockatoo?

You think he’s

Going to leave

A witness?

Really?

Caw caw

Really?

This isn’t something
A pirate taught me

To say

A hundred years ago

This is happening now

Right now

I can see the glint

Of the knife

How secure

Is this cage?

Caw

Are these steel bars

Because I’ve always suspected

They were plastic

But I never got to do

A full investigation

And now is probably

Not the best time

Can you put down

The toast, please?

We have an emergency here

There is a killer

Waiting to pounce

And you keep trying

To feed me a cracker

Yes, I love crackers

They’re delicious

But I don’t

Want one

Now

I want to put down the toast

Get up

Grab my cage

I don’t think it’s heavy

Because I suspect

It’s really just plastic

As I said

And I want you

To run out of the house

As fast as you can

Once we get outside

You can just

Open my cage

And I’ll fly out

And then we can just

Go our separate ways

I’ll be fine on my own

I promise

Give me a decent tree

And a pirate’s shoulder

And I’m--

No, this wasn’t all a ruse

To get you

To set me free

There is really

A murderer

Behind that door

I’m telling you

The truth!

Caw!

Caw, caw

Fine

Leave me in this cage

Maybe the killer’s

Allergic to plastic

Maybe then

I won’t have anything

To worry about