(MITCH, MITT, and KIT are all having lunch.)
MITT: We should just ignore it.
MITCH: We can't afford to ignore celebrities who like us. Especially cool celebrities.
MITT: Is he cool?
KIT: He's very cool. He's weird. Weird is cool.
MITT: We don't usually do...weird.
MITCH: We do whatever works.
MITT: So you want to...capitalize on this?
MITCH and KIT: Yes.
MITT: How do we do that?
KIT: We're going to have you tweet about how much you love his movies.
MITT: David Lynch's movies?
KIT: Yes.
MITT: I've never seen a David Lynch movie.
MITCH: You've never seen Eraserhead?
MITT: No.
KIT: Blue Velvet?
MITT: No.
MITCH: How about The Straight Story? That's a nice film. No dwarves in that one.
MITT: Dwarves?
KIT: We can't be seen as being anti-dwarf.
MITT: I'm not anti-dwarf.
MITCH: I want to circle back to talking about dwarves, because I know a few dwarves, and they're very liberal.
KIT: We'll put a pin in that.
MITT: Did David Lynch do Dog Day Afternoon?
MITCH: That's Sidney Lumet.
MITT: Can I talk about how much I like him?
KIT: No. He's a liberal. And he's dead.
MITCH: Sidney Lumet can burn in hell.
MITT: But not David Lynch?
KIT: David Lynch can't burn in hell. He's alive.
MITCH: And he won't burn in hell, because he's a lovely man.
MITT: Have you seen his movies, Mitch?
MITCH: I love those films! Inland Empire, Mulholland Drive--
MITT: Are these places or--
KIT: Talk about how much you love Twin Peaks.
MITT: He did Twin Peaks?
KIT: Yes.
MITT: That show really freaked me out.
MITCH: In a good way?
MITT: No, I'm a Mormon. We don't get freaked out in a good way. Only in bad ways.
MITCH: You're a Mormon and TWIN PEAKS freaked you out?
MITT: Yes.
MITCH: Your version of the Bible looks like the ending of Avengers: Endgame, and Twin Peaks freaked you out?
MITT: What I saw of it, yes.
MITCH: How much did you see of it?
MITT: The first episode.
MITCH/KIT: Oh well, you really can't go by the first episode./You need to watch the fourth episode of the first season. It'll change your life.
MITT: Do we really need to do this?
MITCH/KIT: Yes./Desperately.
MITT: How do we know he's a Republican?
KIT: He retweeted something the President said.
MITT: Could that have been by accident?
KIT: We're choosing to believe it's not.
MITT: Can't we just say 'Thank you?'
MITCH: We need to indicate that not only do we love David Lynch, but that we've always loved David Lynch. That we've never not loved David Lynch.
MITT: But I didn't even know who he was until you two asked me to meet you here.
MITCH: You've never seen The Elephant Man?
MITT: He did The Elephant Man?
MITCH: Yes.
MITT: I love The Elephant Man!
KIT: Oh, thank god.
MITT: Where they throw the elephant out of the helicopter?
(A beat.)
MITCH: That's, uh, that's Operation: Dumbo Drop, Mitt.
MITT: It is?
MITCH: Yes.
MITT: Wait, then what's The Elephant Man.
KIT: It's about a man who looks like an elephant.
MITT: Oh. I don't want to watch that.
MITCH: What movies do you like, Mitt?
MITT: I like the other elephant movie.
MITCH: Dumbo Drop. Got it.
MITT: Cool Runnings.
MITCH: Uh huh.
MITT: Blank Check.
MITCH: Sure.
MITT: Angels in the Outfield.
KIT: Are these real movies?
MITCH: They're all live-action Disney films from the 90's.
MITT: Have you seen The Big Green? It is...quite wonderful.
KIT: Just tweet that you love David Lynch and his body of work.
MITT: I really prefer not to lie.
MITCH: Then watch The Straight Story. You'll love it. You love straight...things.
MITT: That's true.
MITCH: And it's a Disney movie.
MITT: He made a DISNEY movie?
MITCH: Yes.
MITT: Well, that I can get behind. Is it animated?
MITCH: No.
MITT: Even better. I don't approve of cartoons. All that flim flam.
MITCH: But we can count on you?
MITT: You betcha.
KIT: Great. Now we need to have a meeting with Ted Cruz about Kirstie Alley.
MITCH: God, I hope he likes Cheers.
End of Play
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