To My Phone and Its Battery

First off, I just want to apologize

I know I’ve been

Taking you for granted

And I am so embarrassed

And ashamed

My actions are inexcusable

There’s no excuse

None

And I have to tell you

That stops now

I will never

Ever

Let your battery die

Again

You don’t deserve that

You’re a phone

You’re my phone

And I need to appreciate

That you could have been

Anyone’s phone

And you chose me

You’re not some burner

That I can just toss aside

When I’m done
Using you up

You are sophisticated

You are sleek

You know, literally

All my secrets

And I just want you to know

That my love for you

Has never been a secret

I am on you

All the time

I have alienated

Friends

Family

Certainly work

Oh my god

So much work

And I hope

That all that time

And attention

Has shown you

That I am very serious

About this relationship

Yes, I have been letting

Your battery run out

But that’s because

Of all the attention
Not in spite of it

I know I should keep chargers nearby

But it always seems like

It’s in the bedroom

When I’m in the living room

Or it’s in the living room

And I’m already in bed

And I forgot to bring it

In the bedroom with me

And I’m so tired

And it’s like--

Whatever, I’ll charge my phone

Tomorrow

But then I wake up

And you’re almost dead

And my car charger

Barely charges you at all

Which is really the fault

Of the car charger

Not me

Not that I’m making excuses

I’m just saying

That when I get to work

I can never find my work charger

Because Mike keeps taking it

And he says he doesn’t

But I know it’s him

Which means when I check you at lunch

You’re already almost dead

So I should just leave you alone

But what else am I supposed to do

At lunch

So I check you

And that zonks you out

And then I can’t charge you again

Until I get home

Because the car charger is like--
Please, it’s insane

It’s insane how it doesn’t even work

But all that is going to change

I bought a batch of chargers

On Amazon

I know, sorry

I should have gone

To a Mom and Pop electronics shop

But surprise!

That’s not a thing

I am going to put

All those chargers

Everywhere

So that I can always charge you

And keep your battery full

And you’ll feel safe

And protected

Even though I never put

A new case on you

After the last one cracked

When I threw it

At the bouncer

At that club

And I will also

Never do that again

No more throwing

Everything’s going to change

I promise

And if it doesn’t

You can totally

Call me out

On it