You Can Be Proud to Take Him Home

You can be proud

To take him home

He’ll disappear

Into your mother’s wallpaper

And sit silently

While you and your father

Argue over numbers

That don’t add up

He won’t question

Why you continue

To work at the firm

Knowing that his ulcer

Is only going to worsen

And his hair will continue

To thin and eventually

Fall out in hot showers

So scalding

The steam will make its way

Down the hall

To the bedroom

He doesn’t ask questions

And he’s interested in money

But not from a reliable perspective

As in, he’s not trying

To financially rely on you

Of course, in some ways, he will

Because if you want to go to Aspen

That’s you wanting to go to Aspen

Not him, although he’s excited to go

But the rule should be

That you pay

And because you’re the one

In the relationship

That loves to travel

You’ll pay more than he does

And so a significant amount

Of the costs in your relationship

Will be paid by you

But he will never want to have an opinion

About where to eat

Or what you should wear

And he’ll never insist

That you visit his family

On holidays

Because he’s really

Not that close with them

And, in fact, he’ll never even ask you

To learn all that much about them

Aside from when his sister visits

And he takes her out for dinner

In the city

A dinner you can attend if you like

But you rarely will

And he won’t complain

And that’s yet another reason

You find him so well-suited to you

Your last boyfriend complained incessantly

About every little thing

He would complain about your work

And then hit at luxuries he’d like to experience

That could only be paid for

By your work

In other words

He wanted to know nothing

About what you did

And he knew

That you couldn’t tell him

So it worked in his favor

To complain about long hours

While still asking

Why you weren’t staying

In a nicer hotel

On an upcoming trip

To London

You were never proud

To take him home

Only worried

Because he became

More committed

To getting drunk

And while he never caused a scene

He couldn’t blend in

With the wallpaper

No matter how hard he tried

After two years

Your father pulled you aside

And told you that time was up

And that was when

On the ride home

You told him he’d need to pack his things

And be gone by the time

You got home from work

The next day

He didn’t even put up a fight

But instead remarked

That no ride lasts forever

And you hoped he was speaking

Within some kind of metaphor

And not implying that he saw you

And your kindness towards him

As some kind of roller coaster

That was fun while it lasted

Why would that bother you?

Who knows

This boy will do just fine

He’s courteous

And affable

And your father has already indicated

That at any point

You’d be welcome

To plan your wedding on the Cape

And he’d foot part of the bill

Because it would be good publicity

For the firm

Show off a little progressiveness

For a change

That makes you happy

And you search the room

For this wonderful man

You’ve brought with you

To this ghastly affair

Celebrating somebody’s retirement

But you don’t see him

And then you realize

That’s

The point