Friday, December 4, 2020

The Cabbage Patch Kid’s Midlife Crisis

I found my birth certificate

Next to the box


I have no idea why

They took me out

Of the book


Once they did that

My entire life

Lost all meaning


Or value

I should say value


The box was next to

A couple of my old outfits


I never had a ton of outfits

But they bought me a few

And there was one

That I always liked wearing


I can’t fit into it now

Of course

But when I was a baby

I remember being fond of

This one particular

Gingham number

That was--


I think there are photos

But they would have been lost

When the house burned down


I’ve experienced

A decent amount

Of tragedy in my life


More that most

I would say


For one thing, I was born

In a cabbage patch

And then ripped away

From my mother

Who was a cabbage

And given to my adopted mother

A four-year-old girl


Now that girl is forty-six

And she found me recently

When she was cleaning out

The basement

At her Mom’s house


I was perfectly happy

In the basement


I really enjoy furnaces

And old boxes

That smell funny

And washing machines


Then down the steps

Comes my mother

Telling me she used to

Love playing with me

And acting like

It’s totally fine

That we haven’t spoken in years

After she discovered Barbie


No, not even Barbie

Barbie I could live with

Barbie makes sense


She left me for Skipper


SKIPPER


That’s really

When I let myself go


I went back

To the cabbage patch

For a few years

Got involved with a rutabaga

Came home

And just settled in

To the basement here


And I was happy

With that


I didn’t need

Some kind of fancy dollhouse

Or little jeep

That you can ride around

The yard in


That’s never

What I was looking for


I just wanted

My mother

To follow through

With raising me


I mean, her name

Is on that birth certificate


I know, I know

She went off

And had actual children

But you can’t just toss off

A Cabbage Patch kid

Just because you turn twenty-four

Have twins

And buy a raised ranch


Now she displays me

In this cabinet

Next to her porcelain Japanese dolls

That are very problematic


People come over

She makes them coffee

And they see me

And say--


Oh, I used to have

One of those dolls


And I wonder

Where their dolls are


And whether or not

They’re basking

In the warmth

Of a steady furnace


And the low thrum

Of a washing machine


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