Greta Joins the Cover Band

I would not like to cover

Any songs of happiness

For I believe we must center ourselves

In the travesty of existence

That being said

I am very fond of the American singer

Shawn Mendes

And I would enjoy

Singing both his ballads

And up-tempos

His song ‘Life of the Party’

About how life is ultimately

Chained to atrocity

Is particularly stirring to me

If we were to play a wedding

I would like to stop any toasts from happening

By reminding the bride and groom

Of what the carbon footprint was

Of their reception

I apologize

I am being insensitive

I would also like to remind

The groom and groom
Or the bride and bride

Or any non-binary couplings as well

All who destroy the earth

Should be reminded of it

Regardless of their gender identity

Where I am from

We have a special gender designation

For anyone

Who prefers to live in the fjords

Amongst the yaks

Rather than engage

With others

I believe that will eventually

Be my designation

But I am leaving myself

Open to all possibilities

Of course, by the time

I come into my gender

The world will most likely

Be on fire

And underwater

At the very same time

Would you like to hear me

Sing ‘The Electric Slide?’

I am very fond

Of electrical things

Provided they are cars

And not air conditioners

Which will surely

Eradicate air quality

As it pollutes the same way

Man’s indifference to destruction

Pollutes the future of the young

Do you sing slow songs

At these weddings?

I would enjoy singing

‘Saving All My Love for You’

Which is about a mistress

Decided that she will carry a torch

For her married lover

Rather than find someone

Who will commit himself

To her fully and without condition

It was often requested

At weddings

In the 80’s and 90’s

Despite the fact

That it is in no way romantic

And signals

That infidelity is manageable

Provided both parties

Are clear on the terms

I have very strong feelings

About ‘The Chicken Dance’

Because veganism

Is much better

For the health of the world

And because grown adults

Flapping imaginary arms

Makes me uncomfortable

Will there be any chickens

In this band?

I am very fond of The Muppets

And I know chickens

Often fraternized

With the group as a whole

But I couldn’t remember

If they were allowed in the band

I would be fine with live chickens

Being around me

As I sing songs glorifying

Devoting yourself

To a man with another family

But I will not sing ‘Disco Inferno’

As I believe it is insensitive

To those who have been displaced

By forest fires

As you can probably tell

I am very fun to be around

And we will have many adventures together

On the road

Playing weddings

And anniversary parties

And any dive bars

That allow people under the age of eighteen

To enter them

It will be a most magical time

Until we finally cut a record

And I’m offered a solo deal

At which point

I shall leave you all behind me

And continue my rise

As a solo star

Like the aforementioned Shawn Mendes

I won’t be able to help it

I am, after all,

The life

Of every

Party