On what will be
A very bad night
The appetizers
Couldn’t have been better
The mozzarella sticks
Were no precursor
To the impending death
That would rain down
Upon our innocent
And lovely characters
The pot-stickers were no harbinger
Of the gore and grimness
That would permeate
The rest of the evening
Drinks were had
Jolly laughter rang out
A song was sung
And meanwhile
Destruction and chaos
Were moments away
For you see, reader--
Did we tell you
About the loaded nachos?
Oh my goodness
The loaded nachos
Were just divine
They do this thing
At Ralph’s--
Have you been to Ralph’s?
It’s where Suzie’s
Used to be
But Suzie sold it
To Ralph
But he kept
All the same staff
So you’re still getting
That same level of quality
But Ralph, in our opinion,
Has just taken it
To a whole new level
If we’re being honest
Suzie never really had
The best apps
I mean, you couldn’t beat
Her dessert selection
But we barely ever order dessert
So that wasn’t such a big deal to us, you know?
But we love apps
And what Ralph does with apps
Is just incredible
And the prices
You can’t beat the prices
They are--
We don’t know how
He makes money
We really don’t
Anyway, so death was on the horizon and--
Wait, did you hear about
What happened
To Kristen in the parking lot?
Okay, well first off--
This has nothing to do
With anything else
But, she was in the parking lot
And somebody stuck a nail
Right into her tire
She comes out
The tire is completely flat
And everybody’s going
‘Who has AAA?’
Because Kristen doesn’t have it
Which is nuts
Everybody should have AAA
But we get it, it’s expensive
And Kristen is out of work right now
Because of her elbow injury
Did you hear about that?
She went skiing
And went down
Right on the elbow
She’s okay--or she was okay
But then everything went down
The night of
But her tire?
Totally gone
No way they can fix it
She’s going to need a new one
Then AAA showed up
And they’re not sure
She has the right spare
And she’s going--
‘Well, what kind of spare
Should I get?’
What a mess
And then, you know
Everything went to hell
With the zombies
And the what-not
But wow, those appetizers
We can’t stop talking about them
If you get a chance
You really need to go to Ralph’s
Sorry, what were we saying?
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