(A chess board.)
QUEEN: Are you planning to move?
HORSE: I was going to let one of the pawns move first.
QUEEN: But after that--
HORSE: I figured I'd just go right down the line.
QUEEN: Oh.
(A beat.)
HORSE: Is that...a problem?
QUEEN: Uh, well, I was meant to tell you--
HORSE: Yes?
QUEEN: You can't move that way.
HORSE: What way?
QUEEN: In a straight line.
HORSE: Oh.
QUEEN: Yes.
HORSE: So I'm like the Bishop then? I move diagonally?
QUEEN: Uh. No.
HORSE: What other way is there to move?
QUEEN: Uh, well--
HORSE: Can I move into any square around me? Like you?
QUEEN: No. Of course you're not like me. You're a Horse. I'm a Queen.
HORSE: So how do I move?
QUEEN: In an L shape.
(A beat.)
HORSE: An L shape?
QUEEN: Yes.
HORSE: What does that--What does that even mean?
QUEEN: You can move three squares down and one over.
(A beat.)
HORSE: What?
QUEEN: Or three squares up and one over. It's an L shape.
HORSE: Three down and one--
QUEEN: An L shape.
HORSE: Please stop saying 'An L shape.'
QUEEN: Well, that's how you're able to move.
HORSE: How--what is the point of that?
QUEEN: It mixes things up a little.
HORSE: Why can't the Rook mix things up?
QUEEN: The Rook provides basic support. You allow for more strategy.
HORSE: Strategy?
QUEEN: Yes.
HORSE: I'm moving around like a rogue hot air balloon.
QUEEN: Not--
HORSE: Zig zagging all over the board.
QUEEN: It requires thought before moving a Horse.
HORSE: Nobody is ever going to want to move me.
QUEEN: On the contrary, they will most likely move you first.
HORSE: Why is that?
QUEEN: Because they're not as hesitant to sacrifice you.
HORSE: Your majesty!
QUEEN: I know you're disappointed.
HORSE: Why can't I just go down the board?
QUEEN: We already have pieces that can go down the board. You get to go down and then over.
HORSE: But only by one square.
QUEEN: You'd be surprised how often you come in handy.
HORSE: This is demoralizing.
QUEEN: Is there anything I can do to help?
HORSE: Can I be made into a catapult instead?
QUEEN: No.
HORSE: Can I shoot fire out of my eyes?
QUEEN: No.
HORSE: Can I have a little hat?
QUEEN: That would be adorable--
HORSE: Oh!
QUEEN: --But not.
HORSE: Oh.
(A beat.)
QUEEN: I have a brilliant idea.
HORSE: Oh?
QUEEN: What if we changed your name?
HORSE: My name?
QUEEN: Yes. We could call you something else.
HORSE: Like a catapult?
QUEEN: No. You're clearly not a catapult. It still has to be something appropriate.
HORSE: Soooo like...a Steed?
QUEEN: Hmm...How about...A Knight?
HORSE: But I have no knight.
QUEEN: But knights ride horses.
HORSE: But I'm just a horse.
QUEEN: But the knight can be assumed.
HORSE: An assumed knight?
QUEEN: Yes! Doesn't that sound fun?
HORSE: Uh, well--
QUEEN: A Knight you are! There. I feel better already.
HORSE: Can't I just move down the--
QUEEN: Take the L, Knight.
HORSE: Yes, your majesty.
QUEEN: Now we've got ourselves a game.
End of Play
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