The Other Woman's Bathroom

I’m on the phone

With the other woman

And she’s asking me

What my bathroom

Looks like

I tell her it’s blue

Because we got a deal

On this blue tile

Even though I really

Never cared for blue

But Henry was very

Meticulous

When it came to

Things like

So if we were going

To have a blue bathroom

Then we were going

To have a blue bathroom

All the toothbrushes

Had to be blue

And that meant

We had to assign toothbrush holes

To me and the kids

So we knew which brush
Was ours

And our soap always had to be blue
And the kind of shampoo we bought

This one conditioned

I always liked

Changed the color

Of their, uh, container

So I had to buy another kind

Because Henry would not stand

For a white bottle of conditioner

Bottle, that’s the word I was looking for

He wouldn’t stand for a white bottle

In our blue bathroom

Other than that

He was a wonderful husband

And father

When so many others

Had really terrible

Husbands and fathers

And so it never bothered me

That he had to have

A bathroom that was all, uh

Color coded

Because nobody’s perfect

And if that’s the only thing

That’s wrong with a person

If you could even call it wrong

Well then, so be it

That was before
I knew about the infidelity

I’d love to say it bothered me

More than the bathroom

But when you’re tired

In the morning

And you’re trying to figure out

If the kids moved the toothbrush holder

A little to the left or the right

Because your blue toothbrush

Doesn’t look the way it did yesterday

You have no idea idea

How angry you can get

A lot angier than finding out

About another woman

When she calls you up

And asks about your bathroom

Come to find out

He made her do her whole bathroom

In yellow

Once I heard that

I couldn’t understand

Why she kept him around

He’s a passable lover

And I’m sure he must have

Bought her dinner a few times

But yellow?

For a bathroom?

Oh no, I could never

I can understand

Being with a married man

It has its pluses

And I had a few

Before I got married

But none of them

Ever called the shots
When it came to home decor

Or they would’ve had their keister kicked

Nice and hard

You can bet the farm on that

She seems nice

And neither one of us

Plans on making a thing

Of Henry’s cheating

Because I don’t want him full-time

And she certainly doesn’t

So we’ve very happy to share

But she wanted to make sure

That if she was going to suffer

With a yellow bathroom

That I was at least suffering as well

And I said I was

But I didn’t tell her

About the blue

Because blue is so much nicer

To live with, don’t you think?

I mean, that poor woman

When Henry gets home

I’m going to give him

A piece of my mind

About inflicting that

On some poor woman

Just trying to live her life

And I’ll be buying

A new toothbrush

A red one

And let’s just see

If he has anything

To say

About that