I’m on the phone
With the other woman
And she’s asking me
What my bathroom
Looks like
I tell her it’s blue
Because we got a deal
On this blue tile
Even though I really
Never cared for blue
But Henry was very
Meticulous
When it came to
Things like
So if we were going
To have a blue bathroom
Then we were going
To have a blue bathroom
All the toothbrushes
Had to be blue
And that meant
We had to assign toothbrush holes
To me and the kids
So we knew which brush
Was ours
And our soap always had to be blue
And the kind of shampoo we bought
This one conditioned
I always liked
Changed the color
Of their, uh, container
So I had to buy another kind
Because Henry would not stand
For a white bottle of conditioner
Bottle, that’s the word I was looking for
He wouldn’t stand for a white bottle
In our blue bathroom
Other than that
He was a wonderful husband
And father
When so many others
Had really terrible
Husbands and fathers
And so it never bothered me
That he had to have
A bathroom that was all, uh
Color coded
Because nobody’s perfect
And if that’s the only thing
That’s wrong with a person
If you could even call it wrong
Well then, so be it
That was before
I knew about the infidelity
I’d love to say it bothered me
More than the bathroom
But when you’re tired
In the morning
And you’re trying to figure out
If the kids moved the toothbrush holder
A little to the left or the right
Because your blue toothbrush
Doesn’t look the way it did yesterday
You have no idea idea
How angry you can get
A lot angier than finding out
About another woman
When she calls you up
And asks about your bathroom
Come to find out
He made her do her whole bathroom
In yellow
Once I heard that
I couldn’t understand
Why she kept him around
He’s a passable lover
And I’m sure he must have
Bought her dinner a few times
But yellow?
For a bathroom?
Oh no, I could never
I can understand
Being with a married man
It has its pluses
And I had a few
Before I got married
But none of them
Ever called the shots
When it came to home decor
Or they would’ve had their keister kicked
Nice and hard
You can bet the farm on that
She seems nice
And neither one of us
Plans on making a thing
Of Henry’s cheating
Because I don’t want him full-time
And she certainly doesn’t
So we’ve very happy to share
But she wanted to make sure
That if she was going to suffer
With a yellow bathroom
That I was at least suffering as well
And I said I was
But I didn’t tell her
About the blue
Because blue is so much nicer
To live with, don’t you think?
I mean, that poor woman
When Henry gets home
I’m going to give him
A piece of my mind
About inflicting that
On some poor woman
Just trying to live her life
And I’ll be buying
A new toothbrush
A red one
And let’s just see
If he has anything
To say
About that
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