Overheard in Old Navy

      (MOM, DAD, and LIZ are shopping at Old Navy.)

MOM:  We just need to be in and out, because we have my Dad's thing at six.

DAD:  That's early for dinner, isn't it?

MOM:  I had to negotiate them up from 2pm.

DAD:  What do we need?

MOM:  Just something for Liz to wear to school.

LIZ:  I hate everything I own.

MOM:  Who does she sound like?

DAD:  It's good to wear something new whenever you can. It forces you to reevaluate your personal style.

MOM:  You should reevaluate how much money we have to dedicate to our daughter's personal style.

     (MUSIC comes on over the store's loudspeakers.)

SINGER:  Welcome to the party!

MOM:  Uh...

DAD:  What?  What's wrong?  Is it the weird mannequin with a volleyball for a head?

MOM:  No, isn't this--

SINGER:  You know what it's time to do...

DAD:  What?

MOM:  The song. Isn't it...Party with Me?

DAD:  Party with Me?

MOM:  You know, the song we used to...You know...

LIZ:  Used to what?

MOM:  Study to. Your Dad and I used to listen to this song while we...studied.

DAD:  When we were your age.

MOM:  Not when we were her age! We were older. We were much older.

DAD:  Nooooo we really weren't.

LIZ:  You didn't study until you were older?

MOM:  Yes, and that's why we didn't do well in school, and so the message is--Stay in school.

SINGER:  Get ready to have your body knocked back...

MOM:  Uh, I'm not really comfortable with this.

DAD:  What are you talking about?  It's a pop song.

MOM:  It is not a pop song.  It is a song about...things.

DAD:  That's what ninety percent of pop songs are about.

SINGER:  You know just what this song is about...

MOM:  Why would they play this song in their store?

DAD:  It's catchy.

MOM:  But did they listen to the words?

DAD:  I'm not sure I've ever listened to the words.

SINGER:  Gonna make you lose your mind...

MOM:  What does this have to do with fleece leggings?

DAD:  Sometimes they use songs in ad that get the general vibe of the store and they just edit out the problematic lyrics. Like when Target used 'Push It' by Salt 'n Pepa or Home Depot used 'Get Low.'

LIZ:  I love 'Get Low.'

MOM:  How do you know about 'Get Low?'

LIZ:  Mom, when we were redoing the kitchen, we were in Home Depot all the time.

MOM:  Oh my god.

LIZ:  To the windoowwwwwww--

MOM/DAD:  No, no, no./You do not sing that, Liz.

LIZ:  If you didn't want me singing it, you shouldn't have taken me to Home Depot.

SINGER:  Gonna make you sweat out of your clothes...

MOM:  Why couldn't they play a more family friend pop song?

DAD:  Maybe they wanted a retro vibe?

MOM:  This song isn't retro. It's from when we were kids.

LIZ:  Yeah, it's ancient.

MOM:  They could've played something from the 80's. Like Cyndi Lauper.

DAD:  'She-Bop?'

MOM:  No!  Um, maybe early Madonna?

DAD:  'Like a Virgin?'

MOM:  Lionel Ritchie?

DAD:  What do you think he was doing 'All Night Long?'

MOM:  CALYPSO-ING!

LIZ:  Mom, it's just a song. Relax.

SINGER:  Gonna take you from a girl to a woman tonight...

LIZ:  Gross. That's misogynist.

MOM:  Yes!  Yes, it is.

LIZ:  You used to like this song?

MOM:  Well...I mean, it's catchy.

SINGER:  Gonna have you calling me Daddy...

DAD:  Should we go to the Gap?

MOM:  Oh, but I do like the chorus--

SINGER:  Gonna pierce more than your ears...

MOM:  Never mind. Let's go.

LIZ:  Gonna have you calling me Daddy...

MOM/DAD:  Let's go. Let's go./Never call anyone Daddy.

     End of Play