Maurice's Earring

So Maurice got all like mad at me and whatever
Because I asked him if he could take his earring out

You know, for the show
Not like, in life
Just for the show

And he gets all 'Oh my God, my earring is my life!'
And I'm all 'Okay, um, respectively, it's, uh, an earring.'

And it's, like, one of those simple diamond earrings
Not, like, a big Jersey hoop earring his grandfather wore at Normandy
Or anything

So I try explaining to him that Lord Bernston
Would not HAVE an earring
Because he's living in, like, the third century or something

And Maurice is all--'Well, what if he invented it?'
And I'm like--'Invented what?  Tacky earrings?'

Which, you know, was bitchy
But, like, whatever
This was, like, hour eight of rehearsal
When we were just supposed to give quick notes
On costuming and shit
After figuring out how Prince Theodore and Duke Francis
Were going to have a sword battle
Underwater

Not even kidding about that
Kill me
Anyway

I really didn't feel like fighting with Maurice
PSIthinkhisrealnameisMike
--About his EARRING

So I got bitchy

And he got alllllllll offended
Like I insulted his mother or something
And he, like, scoffed
And, I mean, people don't scoff
Like, involuntarily
Like, you have to make a choice to scoff
And scoffing is, like, so not a reaction
That anyone other than drama queens
And characters in Oscar Wilde plays
Which I guess are drama queens

And since we were doing a Victorian play
Maybe he was just trying to get into character
But whatever, I wanted to smash his face
With a baked potato
Like a baked potato
On a baked potato

I just wanted
To baked potato him

You know?

So I let him keep the earring
And we modernized the show
And now instead of Lords
And Dukes and Princes and shit
We just call everybody Bruce

It's kind of working
In an odd way

Although now everybody has earrings

There are earrings everywhere

I'm surrounded by earrings

But that's art, you know?

Like, yeah
Whatever

That's art