"Sigourney?"
"Yes, Geenie?"
"What is it you do for Thanksgiving?"
"Well, we sit down at a table made entirely of the awards I've won--"
"I didn't realize you'd won--"
"--And then we go around and talk about all the films I've done that have brought such joy to the hearts of the poor. Films like Beetlejuice--"
"--that was me--"
"--Hero--"
"--that was me--"
"--Nell--"
"--that was Jodie Foster--"
"--The Banger Sisters--"
"--that was either Goldie Hawn or Susan Sarrandon--"
"--and The Lady Eve."
"I've never seen that, but I'm almost positive you weren't in it."
"And we all just hold hands--"
"You let people touch you?"
"Well I look at them holding hands while I hold my Oscar."
"You never won an Oscar."
"While I hold a picture of the Oscar that you won."
"That's more like it."
"And we all just feel so grateful."
"Well, how could you not?"
"How could I?"
"How could you?"
"How could I?"
"How could you?"
"How could I?"
"Well--"
"Yes?"
"I suppose--"
"Yes?"
"That if you had an ACTUAL Oscar--"
"Oh."
"--Like the one I have."
"Stole."
"What?"
"Nothing."
"I was just saying--"
"You know who's coming to my house this year for Thanksgiving?"
"One of the apes from Gorillas in the Mist?"
"Is that a movie?"
"Yes, Sigourney."
"I've never seen it."
"You were in it."
"That's probably why I've never seen it. I don't believe in watching myself on film. The Indians believe that if you watch yourself on film, your innards will turn into sherbert."
"What Indians believe that?"
"Did I say Indians? I mean Indianans. People from Indiana believe it. I'm very big in Indiana."
"I'm big in North Dakota."
"I'm big in South Dakota."
"YOU'RE A FILTHY LIAR!"
. . . . .
"Anyway, back to the guest list. Guess who's coming to my house for Thanksgiving?"
"You're like a talking ice sculpture."
"Marissa Tomei!"
"Why is SHE going to your house?"
"Ohhh just because..."
"I see."
"Guess who ELSE is coming to my house for Thanksgiving?"
"Who?"
"Marcia Gay Harden."
"I see."
"And Juliette Binoche. And Renee Zellwegger. And James Coburn."
"James Coburn has been dead for nine years."
"--Well, he'll be there in spirit."
"And why did you invite that random assortment of people?"
"Oh, I don't know. It just sort of happened that way."
"Is it because ALL of them won Oscars they didn't deserve?"
"Why that's--oh my--oh I suppose they did."
"I hate you."
"Say Geenie--"
"You're like a whistling pork chop."
"Would YOU like to come to my house for Thanksgiving?"
"Don't say it, Gourney."
"I'm sure you'll feel RIGHT at home."
"I AM A MENSA MEMBER! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK TO ME LIKE..."
. . . . .
"My, that temper on you, Geenie. It's most unbecoming."
"I wish that alien queen had eaten you."
"Even though we're part of a cold, celebrity culture, we must still be ladies."
"I wish she had eaten that little lesbian you pretended was your daughter."
"HER NAME WAS NEWT!"
"Newt, iguana, I don't care what sorts of pets you've had. The point is, I want you at my house for Thanksgiving so that I can give thanks that I'm still working...when so many others...are not."
"And I'd like to give thanks that every time I enter a room, people must announce me as Academy Award Winner Geena Davis...who is also so smart she knows eighteen different ways to kill a woman and make sure the body is never found..."
"Oh my."
"Yes."
"My."
"Yes."
"Mmm."
"Yes."
. . . . .
"Perhaps I won't do Thanksgiving at my house this year."
"Oh Gourney!"
"No, I must start preparing for Christmas a little bit earlier than usual. I'm having the entire cast of Avatar over for a little reunion. Just like last year when I had the cast of The Accidental Tourist over for Easter."
"You weren't in the--oh never mind."
"Oh Geenie, you're like a little IMBD. What would I ever do without you?"
"Eat your own hair?"
"What was that?"
"Oh nothing. Nothing at all."
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