Napping

I am five

I am a boy

I am talking

I am talking about napping

Napping are…is…

Ugh

I am five

I am a boy

I am talking

I am talking about napping

Napping is the worst thing ever in the world

Napping was invented

By mean people

To stop kids from having fun

Even when they’re in the middle

Of a game of tag

And they’re not It

For, like, the first time in forever

And then everything has to stop

Because it’s naptime

Even though sometimes kids can be too old to nap

Like when they are five or twenty-six or a hundred

But my grandma is like a hundred and she naps all the time

So maybe not but that’s because she wants to

And so napping should just be if you’re a hundred

And you have nothing else to do

Like no tag games to play

Or bugs in jars to put in some girl’s lunchbox

…or something

When you nap

Your nose hair grows really long

And then you have to cut it off

Using special nose hair scissors

And this is gross

And nobody likes you

Until your nose is hair-free

Sometimes my Mom naps

Then she wakes up

And thinks it’s midnight

And tries to get me to go to bed

Even though it’s breakfast time

And I have to go to kindergarten

But sometimes I say ‘Okay’

Because I’m still tired

And she looks scary

With her hair all up and stuff

When she gets out of bed

My mother tells me not to talk about

What her hair looks like after she’s been napping

But sometimes when you talk

You talk about stuff

That makes people mad

And that’s called

Ohwelltoobadlifestough

That’s what my grandma says anyway

When she’s not napping

I like when my grandma’s awake

But my mom says she thinks my grandma should nap more

And I should too

If it were up to my mom

The whole world would just be one big napping place

And then nothing fun would happen ever

That’s why somebody should stop all naps forever

Starting…tomorrow

Because right now

It’s my bedtime

Boys who are five and talking

Have to stop talking

And go to bed

That’s what my mom says

Gee, it’s like if you’re not losing one battle

You’re losing another